...oh, i don't know...

what does he know about not meeting expectations–or not having any?

what does he know about setting expectations–

and expecting one too many?

what does he know about hurt? about pain? about anguish?

what does he know about truth–

when all he’s ever been told was a lie?

what does he know about having to lie

to get to the truth?

what does he know about being a friend,

when he couldn’t even understand me as an enemy, a stranger, an employee?

what does he know about ranting and raving?

what does he know about being both the boon and bane of existence?

what does he know about not getting the answers you expected?

what does he know about failure? about frustration? about rejection?

what does he know about falling in love–

with all the wrong people? under the most unusual of circumstances?

what does he know about wanting to fall in love,

but just can’t?

what does he know about NOT wanting to fall in love,

but just can’t help it?

what does he know about distraction?

what does he know about trust?

what does he know about fear?

what does he know about making yourself a bait,

waiting for the shark to come smell your blood and swim after you–

and fearing it is going to eat you alive?

what does he know about trying to fill a position, an emptiness, a void?

what does he know about trying to fill up time?

or making up for the loss of it?

what does he know about missing someone–

when there was hardly ever anyone?

what does he know about losing

everything you ever had or has ever meant something to you?

what does he know about getting or not getting what you deserve?

what does he know about sudden appearances,

and flashes of light? and having your whole life appear before your eyes?

what does he know about putting up with other people’s shit?

and swallowing your pride?

and counting the days till it will be all over?

what does he know about making decisions,

when you’re left with not much of a choice?

what does he know about waking up the next day,

wishing it’ll be better?

what does he know about the good times and the bad times,

and the otherwise mundane times?

what does he know about not making sense–

yet be perfectly understood?

what does he know about being misunderstood–

when you haven’t really spoken much?

what does he know about talking to myself?

and have to hear it from other people?

what does he know about the seven-year itch, middle-age crisis or second childhood

and the other inconveniences or phenomena that we have and use as, for lack of a better term, excuses?

what does he know about blind faith?

what does he know about never quite making it?

what does he know about plans

not being carried out or seen to fruition?

what does he know about dreams not being realised?

what does he know about not knowing when to give up or give in?

or when never to let go?

what does he know about loneliness,

in a room full of people?

–and have someone say they’ve been there,

but know that they have no idea what that is like?

what does he know about wanting to say all the right things–

and end up with the most stupid lines?

what does he know about love and life,

and everything in between?

and know you’re going to get something you’ve already heard before?

what does he know about love and all the crazy things you do for it?

what does he know about mystery?

and the feeling you get that just when you think you’ve got it all figured out,

something comes along that completely surprises you–

and you don’t quite know what to do?

what does he know about being out of your comfort zone?

what does he know about magic and ever-after,

and what comes afterwards?

what does he know about being lost?

what does he know about wanting to come home?

and not knowing where that is?

what does he know about not knowing who to ask for directions?

what does he know about getting wrapped up in a fantasy world–

and actually just wanting to stay there?

for the very reason that you have nowhere else to go?

what does he know about having someone totally upset you,

without really knowing why?

or unable to say why?

what does he know about pent-up feelings and mixed emotions,

and ending up drunk,

and saying the most inappropriate things,

and kicking yourself in the butt the day after?

what does he know about me–going on and on and on…

about what I think he does not know

and is similarly looking for answers to?

or about what I think he already knows but would not tell me?

what does he know about keeping secrets?

what does he know about firsts and lasts,

and keeping memories–

and having people steal them from you?

and how you hear people say–

“wow, that’s gotta hurt…”?

what does he know about betrayal?

what does he know about conscience?

and how we’re always searching for ways to live without it

so we can keep our sanity?

and how we’re always searching for it

whenever we need to keep someone else sane?

what does he know about keeping something for years,

and the moment you decide to try to open up your heart a little bit,

having it broken again?

what does he know about trying to find yourself–

and in the process, finding someone else

who meant a lot to someone?

what does he know about wasted opportunities?

what does he know about second chances–

and how most of us never get past that?

what does he know about being in love with two different people of different worlds,

and wishing it was one and the same person?

what does he know about finally wanting to move on–

but have something hold you back?

and always looking over your shoulder,

just in case someone might have followed…

…what you have been trying to say

all these years?

**********************************************************************

this was my first published poem, and originally posted on the online literary journal, Lite Lit One.

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