Ode to the small but mighty trash panda

Ode to the small but mightly trash panda

“If you see a raccoon acting aggressively [you] should leave the scene and call 911.”

- A tweet by the Rockville City Police Department, May 10th, 2021

I’m told the Lord once had extra fluff and rage

when he finished making the chihuahua. He turned

To the boldest angel and said - make me a

resilient fucker.

~

What should he eat my Lord?

Trash.

Trash?

Did I fucking stutter?

~

I empathize with raccoons. I too, want to sleep

through my days and scream into the night.

I too, become my most clever, when there is

food involved. I too, look cute nearly cuddly

until approached, fur bristled and fangs bared.

~

I’m told a raccoon once lived in the White House.

That Calvin Coolidge intended to eat one for

Thanksgiving dinner - but pardoned her instead.

The damndest turkey you’d ever meet, and the

president adopted her as a pet.

~

What should we name her?

Rebecca.

Rebecca?

Did I fucking stutter?

~

My father once encountered a wild raccoon, and

thinking himself a mighty man, my father stood tall,

Arms raised, roaring at the raccoon. But the raccoon

lifted onto her haunches, paws up towards midnight,

and echoed the sentiment.

My father fled.

(Smart man)