O.C.D

4am, pupils fixed on my ceiling

Overthinking about how I got to this point

When did I sort solution in drinking?

When did fate toss my coin?

Spending my life, chasing

Not sure what it is but the race is getting pacy

Sudden obssession with the Old me

How can I heal when I was never broken?

The feeling, begging people who want to leave, to stay

Pushing those who mean well ,to leave

This new found non-chalant attitude towards living

Waking up daily, rage and pain, a bomb just ticking?

Messed up yet help others, the mess in messenger

Perfect combination of mess and anger

Scared to sleep because Anubis keeps asking for a walk

Does my soul dwell in an oasis of sinking soil?

Maybe I need to untie my crooked wings and try to fly

But what if I wasn't meant to fly?

Do all birds fly?

Does it mean I am cursed to walk the earth and die while I try?

Migraines have becomes my daily meal

It tears me up while tearing my brains apart

But nobody understands, though they would claim to listen

Is there a church nearby, with my allergy preaching?

Going to bed thinking if I would wake up

Obessesed over the fact that this breathe might be my last

While thinking about all the people I hurt unintentionally

Hating those who hurt me, hypocrisy?

I doubt I have friends, check my back, see the bruises endowed

The constant thought that maybe some of my friends hate me

While smiling to my face about how much they cherish me

But if I cut them off, who will I then trust now?

Does future me suffer like I do?

Does he linger on uncertainty's loop?

I thought I was told I was meant for great things

Is this the man I want Nonobi to see?

Maybe I am exaggerating and seeing things that aren't there

Or maybe I am just mentally distorted

Or am I unconciously lazy

So I rather see my world crash so bad and watch helplessly?

So much thoughts that I can't even pen them down

Maybe it's all just in my head

I feel my body shutting down

Where is the nearest pawn shop? I'll like to exchange this frown