Nothing Less than Explosive

//Like a baseball bat against a windshield you swung/

and swung/

and swung/

at my chest/

until it was so broken it could no longer guard my insides/

You took advantage of my disillusioned exposure/

And decided to rearrange my numbing parts/

You organized me to fit into your box labeled acceptable/

With everything in its perfect place/

we shared a make believer's love/

When my heart began to beat out of place/

Devastating panic corrupted your vision/

You perceived me as a threat to your unreachable romance/

And in response attacked, unyielding/

The anxiety your reign impregnated my thoughts with/

Became detrimental to my well being/

Malicious acts against myself mutated into habit/

You found reform in days of silence/

I promise you nothing fucked me up more than your intentional ignorance of my existence/

The words this is normal/

I need this/

He loves me/

Repeated over/

And over/

And over in my moldable mind/

Until I convinced myself that this was true/

That this was happiness/

But I always played the victim, you the detective/

You wore a hideous uniform of doubt/

I groveled at your feet to change/

As a compromise, I draped my body over yours to hide the doubt you wore/

In a moment of disastrous desperation/

I cut my heart out, and offered in exchange, trust/

Perplexed, you put it back in its place and closed the box/

Leaving me and my unstable organ to slowly drain/

It's funny now, how something so vital to our existence, ends up pumping our lives away//