Notes

Today I thought about writing my goodbye note

Would it be sweet and full of I love you. Or even "it isn't your fault".

Or would there be blood

Lining every page

A detailed list to how and why

How I wanted to drag my corpse to my mother's grave

And rot there with her

How I wanted to fly to college and be gone and brilliant

How my depression acts like a barrier

A barrel full of water

Of bullets

Of pills and drugs

I have myself because no one understands

Every time I open my mouth it's just buzzing and static

"Exercise more"

"Eat healthier"

"Get a hobby"

"Get your college shit together"

I know how to pull my life together

What I can't do is pull my mind back together to form an adequate reason as to why I'm depressed

But no one wants blood on their hands