not made here | Made Up | Made it

Pt.1

I’ve been walking around this Earth

for enough centuries

to know my way around the block.

When it comes to genitals -

it’s instinctual;

When it comes to minds & hearts -

it’s sorta fictional.

Yes,

I wasn’t made here.

I’ve moved ALL THE WAY out here, N.America -

many times crushed by my own courage

(I leaned onto a bit too heavily) -

everyone always wondered

WTF & WHY?..

crushed by so many societal expectations,

pushed to the side,

I kept holding onto my far sight,

even while being an inconvenience.

I was fired from the last job

because my chronic condition

“DIDN'T FIT IN”,

like that wasn't already

taped across my forehead.

Tell me it’s not home,

where people claim

they know me from within

& can decide my destiny

for me.

Same place seemed so modern

& promised sick days.

Still I was to be made

an example of an inappropriate model,

while everyone else did the same thing...


Now

I don’t mind being a model

If you mean you wanna model of me

Becoming a spiritual mogul,

Claiming what is meant to be.

PT.2

I lost too many tears

over my papers

and over the whereabouts

of my lovers,

I split & lost too many hairs -

the dark long ones

on the white tiles

of our kitchen floors -

to really care to give

too many of those foxes

over something like jobs.

Yes, the jobs fed us

for a while sometimes.

and still I am fed more

by our collective creativity,

so what I say is:

I am crushed not as much by courage

but by the vulnerability,

that is brought out by the shadows.

I’m crushed by temper tantrums

and by the pendulums of psyche.

As much as everything’s valid,

it’s also SO MADE UP.

I’ve survived so much,

I’m too proud.

I stand up, I stand out,

I pronounce myself “MADE IT”,

and at this gun NOW point

I’m not giving up my peace

over the fight, over throwing a fit.