New Year’s Resolutions and Other Lies

I'll wake at dawn and greet the sun,

I'll meal prep every day!

I'll finally get those abs I want

By, let's say, mid-May.

I'll read three books a week at least,

Learn Portuguese and Greek,

I'll meditate for hours on end

And only scroll once a week.

I'll drink eight glasses no, make that ten

Of water, pure and clear,

I'll cut out sugar, carbs, and fun,

And beer. (Well, maybe beer.)

I'll organize my closets now,

Marie Kondo every drawer,

I'll thank my socks for sparking joy

Then buy a hundred more.

I'll call my sister every day,

Floss nightly without fail,

I'll learn to cook authentic Thai

(Currently, I make Kraft pale.)

I'll save my money, grow my wealth,

No takeout, just homemade!

But DoorDash knows my address well,

And Uber Eats has got me MADE.

By January 3rd at noon,

My gym shoes gather dust,

That novel's still on chapter one,

My budget? Gone. A bust.

My water bottle's lost somewhere,

My meal prep turned to mold,

Those abs are buried deep beneath

The Christmas cookies I still hold.

But here's the thing about New Year's

There's beauty in the try.

We fail spectacularly each time,

Yet January, we still fly!

So, here's to resolutions grand,

That last 'til Tuesday, tops

At least we're consistently consistent

At watching our ambitions flop!