My Story in Verse

Have I been blind,

For all this time?

Kept from the world,

Behind safe Bible lines.

“The world will lead you astray,”

But I was falling from faith

Long before I

Gave up the race.

I felt like a gerbil

Running a wheel in circles

I never understood

Why I felt so horrible.

“Give it all to God,”

But what have I got?

Getting more questions than answers

More bad days than not.

I was told in school,

That my sadness was sin.

That I was too full of bitterness,

To let the holy ghost in.

But I prayed endlessly

Tear-soaked cheeks and misery

Searching through the Word

Trying to find clarity.

I wanted to die

Because I didn’t feel alive.

Would the Lord forgive me,

If I didn’t want to fight?

Blade across the arms,

Thought I could bleed out the harm

At this unnamed demon

Who was tearing my soul apart.

My parents believed it was a play,

That I was an actor on a stage.

They scoffed at my pain,

Just slapped my tears away.

They said that “real life was pain”

But I thought if it was all the same,

I could end it now

And the demons would go away.

I found out later

That it was all a plot of lies

They could believe their delusions

But I was now untied.

I won’t be pulled back under

I’m tired of being the blunder

That was supposed to make their marriage work

But just tore it further.

One thing I learned

From that dark past underwater.

Is that the sun still rises

And I deserve to prosper.

Your feelings are valid,

You did not causes this

It’s depression, not sin

And you are not worthless.