My Sea Creature and Me

(When reciting poem stand and when narrating sit)

Around the clock my sea creature and I trail each other everywhere,

With a certain questionable fondness,

What am I saying? We have never been fond of each other,

This sea creature and I,

(Sit down reservedly) I grew up in a family with mostly male cousins. Growing up I envied them. Guys were so cool. They could make these shapes in the snow with their pee. Maybe, just maybe if I kissed my elbow, I would turn into a guy and be able to makes shapes in the snow too. The mention of certain mechanisms might have come up now and again. Sex was certainly never mentioned, other than a few innuendos here and there induced by my cousins. Otherwise it was all hidden. Hidden like heaps of salt inside a crumpet. Like pieces of a clock,

The only time in which this sea creature and I converse,

Is when we have monthly plumbing problems,

Never have we really sat down,

For a little chat…

Not even to say…

How quaint you are,

How mysteriously magnificent,

What an unexplored vessel that has seen too many ships,

How incredibly itchy you are,

Yet when you are bare,

I miss the hair,

Without a doubt you are the strangest fish ever encountered,

Having such adventures to tell! (Jump up as if to give the greatest speech of your life)

(Considering the structure of the floor, then acknowledge the audience) As a kid I always imagined sex as two naked people running around like circus animals…Somehow I never put the fundamentals together…not even after…after it happened. (Sit back down) When I was thirteen I got my first bite of salt in that pastry. For a while I didn’t even give it a name, I didn’t know what it was. It was defined by that gross feeling. I was defined by that gross feeling. My entire being was consumed by this gross sensation that crawled its hand up from between my legs. The sensation had a pulse. There was this stench that never left and I could smell it in my sleep. It wasn’t until my fourteenth year that the pieces in the clock began to stick themselves together.

This sea creature and I have been through the ringer time and again,

It is my conscience…on occasion,

Forcing me to see another voyage beyond me,

Beyond this blistering sea,

Softly coercing me to withstand little challenges,

Playing a game of hide-and-go-seek,

The pieces began to collect themselves. It started with a little blood in my nice new underwear. Then accompanied by the awful hour long physical heath class in school… and persuaded by my horrified looks…my teacher pulled me aside. I confessed to knowing nothing about sex. In my mind by some invisible magic act of two naked people rolling around like circus animals a baby was produced. Well…part of that is true. It was then that I learned the fundamentals. It was then that I put together what it was. I had been raped.

We play a few games like Whack-A-Mole,

A little head now and then,

My sea creature and me,

How annoying you can be,

Yet it is impossible to separate you from me,

Since then my creature and I have had a face off. Since then we have come to terms, and have almost become alliances. Since then we have written our name in the snow. Ok it was incredibly cold and time consuming but we did it. Anyway, after getting out of the shower one day I sat down (Sit on floor legs sprawled out) in front of my length mirror and took a full examination. There was this mess of hair on top that extended down and down and around. In the middle…wowzah (close legs up swiftly) …that’s really appealing? Anyway, surrounded by this hair was a pink jolly sort of jumble that looked as though it could dance away in a jelly fish sort of manner. In that moment I decided the portal that wore my underwear resembled a sea creature. We sat there and just stared at one another. Just stared not saying a word.

So maybe it is about time we sit down for a cup of tea,

For a little chat…

I may be obligated to ask,

“How have things been going down there…now that you have hair?”

And you may very well reply,

“Everything’s quite dandy and fine plus a bottle of wine…

with my plenum down here…

Yet can you explain to me how you can misuse me,

And cause me so much strife?

For Pete sake your oceans won’t last forever,

Why do you refuse to become a wife?”

Then I will surely think,

“Oh god,

This is how man has evolved,

With sea creatures that dangle,

Hideous and wrinkled,”

Its an awe that something so beautiful and fresh…

Is reproduced by that,

That creature,

Down there…beneath the underwear,

Yet…it truly is beautiful,

Enough with the innuendos,

Enough with the allusions and ambiguities,

The only thing that can cause me to be grateful for life…cause me strife…or to give me an angina,

Can only be my vagina