My Letter to You

August 23, 2018

To who I once knew,

It’s been so long since we’ve talked. I’ve been doing good but at times I wish you were still in my life. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, that’s a fact, but it was special to me. I thought you felt the same. Maybe at one point you did. I’ve thought a lot about you since you left, but that was two years ago. Please tell me you feel it too, that yearning sensation for my presence. I’m probably just fantasizing.

I don’t always think of you. Most of the time it happens when I’m with someone new, it’s only til something goes awry that I begin to miss you. I think my ex was right, I did run to you like a ‘scared little puppy’. You were my safety net. You were there for me in the most important times of my life. Every time I recall those moments, you’re in them. But you weren’t the best, which is what I don’t understand. How can I miss someone so hurtful, selfish, and arrogant? What is it about you that makes me feel so safe with you?

Things have changed. We both have. I wouldn’t recognize you if you were right in front of me, because you’re not the person I fell for anymore. I sincerely wonder why I had to meet you. You weren’t my first love. You weren’t in my school. You weren’t even the same age as me. You were someone who happened to fall into my life at just the time I needed you. Then you were gone.

A psychic told me that you still thought of me. I didn’t know how to feel because a part of me didn’t believe it. Everything you told me by the ends of our relationship were that you didn’t want me in your life, and you’ve told me that every time I tried to talk to you. I felt pathetic every time you did, because I’d secretly hope for a different response but I knew what was to come. I can’t keep hurting myself because I want to believe that your response will turn out better than the previous one.

I’m not sure if I love you, per se, I’m not sure if I ever did. I do know that we had a strong connection for one another that you were able to break free from. I miss that bond. If I found that with someone else then maybe I wouldn’t miss you. I’ve tried, but no one completely fit right. It might be because I’ve constantly compared them to how you used to treat me, when you knew how to treat me right. No one ever will fit, not like you, but that’s not a bad thing. I need someone better, and that could pass for just about anyone.

It’s said that people who have hurt you in the past come back after you’ve moved on. I fear I’ll never see your face again. I’ll continue with my thoughts of you and push them away as much as I can. Life still goes on without you, but a piece of my heart will always pertain to you.

Sincerely yours,

A former friend