My Horizon

Stress induced fatigue shuts everything down. No energy, no hope, and no relief in sight. On an island that while inhabited by others besides me, my loneliness permeates everything. Feeling alone in a crowded room is someone’s saying that while accurately describing everything also falls short of fully encapsulating the gravity of the weight that is carried. Always there for others, bending to their whims and needs, but when the favor is to be returned, my cup is always passed along never to be taken up by another. Cares and olive branches given to me while I am present, jealousy and olive branch gilded knives left in my back while I am away. Whiny precipitation is the forecast of the days that beat out the rays of light once there before. Goodness, honesty, and loyalty once the driver has been forced into the back seat to make room for envy, hypocrisy, and treachery. Made to feel inferior because of insecurities by others. Labeled a problem for a select few who cannot get away with their petty offences. Chastisement given for show to bolster the ego of the few. Weight upon weight added to the load already being carried that cannot be let go and left behind. Once confidence laid with me at night and kept me warm in my bed, confidence has been dismantled and moved on to a better specimen more worthy, leaving me cold and deserted. Reduced and ragged taking each day as it comes, hoping that good will triumph over evil once again, but being wise enough to not hope that such a thing will happen while there is evidence mounting day by day that it will not come. Usually being able to get up from being beaten to one knee, but being beaten to both knees takes even longer to get up. My horizon is gray with storm clouds threatening rain every day, and nothing on my horizon gives any indication of the storm passing by anytime soon.