My head

Scrambled thoughts erode my brain

Oh anxiety my old friend.

You’ve come to play with me again.

Im stuck where I don’t want to be

Remembering how I thought I’d be big.

Mum needs me to take care of her

Or if dad will walk me down the wedding isle

My life is over, or is it beginning.

I could give up now at twenty nine

Cause I keep going back to when I was nine.

And all the things I never said.

Would it have changed anything.

Would it have stoped things from happening.

Should I live in the future instead.

Oh how I wish good things were coming.

What is time.

Is it in this imaginary line.

Have I forgotten something again.

I’ll start writing it tomorrow.

It’s midnight then 2am

And I’m reviewing My life in moments

What if my last relationship was the one

Did I fuck it up?

But then again I think it a German guitar player…

It’s implausible at best but could it be.

A dreaming desire to smooth the soul out

And make the hurt less real.

Five years ago I said I’d leave

Here I am still at the seam.

Two years from now will I be here.

Or will I have jumped.

I should really sleep.

I have to get up tomorrow.

I should have picked a different degree.

Can I still be who I want to be?

And I try to string together this poem

That’s in my mind.

The one that holds thoughts scrambled

And I wonder if that’s normal

To say things can be ordered.

Or if normalization is control.

Would a reader even think this is odd

Does it make sense or is it scattered???

But it doesn’t really matter

After all it’s all just floating inside my head.