My Favorite Person

Dear Ronnie,

Never have I known such sadness as I know now. Your absence from my life has changed me somehow.

I'm not quite sure anyone completely understands the depth of my despair. I've experienced loss before, but the loss of you, my favorite person, my forever friend, my loving boyfriend, is a whole other level, one cannot compare.

It takes every bit of energy I have to get through just about anything. No longer do I find ways to see the end of a day; minute by minute is what I now deal with, to my dismay. The alarm goes off not once, not twice but ten times daily. I truly believe that without the company of Miss Marley, without the sound of her purr and the attention she craves, I would go crazy, because I am missing you.

Grief groups, outings with friends, keeping busy, they help... but only in the moment, a moment that turns so quickly into a feeling of loneliness, emptiness, and disbelief that you are no longer here. The thought of not sharing life with you, talking to you, holding your hand, kissing your lips, laying next to you ever again, that is what I fear. Yet that fear is reality. And that reality now a tear, a tear that is repeatedly streaming down my face.

Two months has felt like eternity, eternity has become more difficult; easier it is not. Where I go from here, how to get through it all, if I knew, I have forgot.

What I do know in this moment, is that you, my dear Ronnie, will forever be my favorite person, no matter what those around me may say. The question I wish I had an answer to is, "will I see you again one day"?

With all my love, as you always called me,

Jenny, your lucky penny