My Favorite Dream

Oh no—not HIM again!

He’s haunted me since childhood

Slithering sneakily through the brush

Like a snake

To ambush me

And drag me away

I turn away from him

Aaah!—why is HE here, too?

The one who flies down

To snatch me up and carry me away

To terrifying places

In the corners of the universe

They usually appear in separate dreams

But now they’re both here

In the same old field of brown weeds

Under the same old gray overcast sky

With the same old haunting flute playing

Run, Kelli, run.

Oh no—up ahead!

It’s HER! That horrible old witch

Who is always bringing down evil

Upon me and my family

With a shake of her rattle

I could always outrun them as a child

Just barely

But that was when there was only

One of them

Now those old baddies just keep popping up!

The ginormous, blackish, scaly, snake-ish one

The flying, screechy, beady-eyed, pterodactyl-ish one

The old, ugly, fat, warty, witchy one

The stinky, hairy, stinky, filthy, stinky, monster-y one

The bald, greenish, drooly, snaggle-toothed, giant one

(He always tries to eat me—gross!)

Run, Kelli, run!

Even the khaki clad soldiers appear

The ones whose faces are blackened

And eyes are evil and angry

Who carry huge, gray bazooka guns

That shoot fire and bullets

At me and my siblings

I’m a child again, terrified of these creatures

Who have haunted me in the night for years

I stumble as I run and can hear them getting closer

Laughing, taunting, sneering

Like oboes badly out of tune

Why is this happening?

Why are they all here at the same time?

Why now?

I’m not a child any more

I’m NOT

I’m grown

Married now, in fact

Why are they back?

Why are the ALL back?

Run faster, Kelli, run!

I stumble again and this time I fall.

I cannot get up fast enough and hear them

Closing in on me now

My heart pounds like a kettle drum

Then I hear trumpets blaring a victory call

A tune we used to play in high school marching band.

What-??

I turn to see a man flying-

Yes, FLYING

Down to the earth

He lands in front of this gruesome group of gollywops

And proceeds to wallop the bejeebers out of each one

He rips the snake in two and tosses it into the wind

(Which blows his cape most handsomely!)

He punches the pterodactyl in mid-flight

And it whirls into oblivion like a helicopter that’s been shot down

He grabs the stinky monster by the arm

And blams it to the ground in front of him

Then to the back of him

Like a cartoon character getting whooped

It emits ferocious farts with each blam

He karate chops, kung-fu kicks and judo throws

Each angry soldier

While blocking their bullets and blows with

Jackie Chan like skill and stealth

One by one, he takes them down

Obliterates them

Destroys them

Eliminates them

Kills them

I watch in shock and amazement

Who is this man?

This hero of sorts

Why is he here?

Why is he rescuing me?

Then, after the last one finally falls

(It took awhile to bring down that drooling giant)

He turns to me in proud victory

He takes a wide stance

Puts his hands on his hips

And gives me a winning smile

The clouds break and

Sunshine comes streaming through

Surrounding us both in a warm glow

(Are those violins I hear?)

My face flies open with recognition

And I smile back

It is my new husband