MurderVerse

I raised my wrist above my head and looked at my watch

Six pm

My arm fell back onto the mattress like a lead weight

Zero strength

Where did the day go

What did I miss

Gina beside me

Gina said, I'm here for you, I'm with you tonight

John

I repeated, tonight?

Tonight and always, Johnny

I felt heavy and weak

Outta shape

I felt Gina beside me

She took my hand and pressed it to her breast

Gina said, I'm your heartbeat

She put her hand on my chest

Your my heartbeat

"Say it, Johnny."

It wasn't a request

I repeated you're my heartbeat, I'm your heartbeat

Even in this altered, semi-asleep state

The words seemed corny, like two middle school kids

Words vaguely familiar

I wanted to laugh but only smiled

Words deadly serious to her

What's so funny, Johnny

We need each other, we're better together than apart

Johnny

She continued, you're my friend, my confessor, lover

Husband

I said, you're my friend, confessor, lover, wife

Wife?

Wait a minute, does this mean no sleeping on the sofa

I remember thinking that I should propose

Cobble some words together, poet

Poet

Gina, I can't wake up, keep falling back into dreams

Dark dreams

Gina edges closer

She's warm, naked smells like chocolet, patchouli, tobacco,

Newports

The scent, I can't quite make it out, the brand name

Breath like...

Like Glenlivet?

She smells like Maxine except younger, more muscular

Hands come up dragging me back down into darkness

Her hands, Gina's hands

Maxine's hands

Her influence

Into dreams

Unfinished business in...where-ever

Hell?

How come I can't wake up?

Gina

I gave you Quviviq to help you sleep, hon

Like eight hours ago

Swim to the surface, my love.

I'm here waiting for you

On the beach

I need you to wake up, Johnny

***

In the shower, both of us

Hot water

Hot Water Music, my first exposure to Bukowski

Gina had both her palms against either side of my face

Like a vice

Surprisingly strong, she is

"Look at me, Johnny."

I looked into her eyes

Beautiful eyes

"It's just the two of us now, you and me"

I repeated, you and me

Gina said, On the street you're stone cold

Gina said, You make the life and death decisions

You do the work.

Heart breaking, soul destroying work

"But once you cross over my threshold you're home

This is where you rest, sleep, eat, recharge

Your body belongs to me

For pleasure and protection

Here I protect you

From the violence that occupies your mind.

And I have medicine to help you plunge into dreams

So deep

Sleep buries the past

Meds so strong they wipe out guilt

Leave decisions to me, Johnny

I'm here for you

Welcome home darling."