Mom

You lie dying. I travel hours to be there because he refuses to respect your wishes. You would rather have died than accept what he did to keep you alive.

“No, you can’t watch the kids.” Because the last time you did, I had to meet you at the hospital while my son lay bleeding. An inch closer and he’d be dead. You can’t nap with a toddler running free in your Victorian-themed home.

I am too young to support a family. I’m still just a kid. Move to Florida with our grandparents. I can’t take care of you.

My earliest memories are of you. Reading to me as a child. The shape of the bottle you put my juice in.

Maybe Dad wouldn’t have left if you weren’t so miserable all the time!

Why can’t I seem to do enough to make you proud? My sister screams at you, and you seem to understand her. It’s obvious she suits you better than I do.

Why are you taking her side? I’m your son. You and her didn’t even like each other. I’m like my father? I can’t believe I married her. You and her are the same!

I’m 14 but I’m pretty sure you can’t chase us with belts and beat us uncontrollably just because of my brother’s depression. My best friend and roommate is gone now. It will never be like this between us again. At least he is safe.

Please stop begging me to come home. Nothing about home feels safe. I need to make it on my own.

She broke my heart. I can’t believe I’m crying in front of YOU. No one will love me like you do?! Dear God, I hope that’s true!

What is happening in my brain? I can’t see her like this. She is so weak. She is messing all over the floor. I’m breaking.

I can’t stand your new husband. No, I will not call him Dad! Better that he is taking care of you than me, though. I need to live my life.

Your teeth were beautiful. Now they are falling out. Another sign of his neglect. I wish you were dead. Not for me. For you. This is no way to live.

You see this calendar?! I’m months away from being a legal adult. I don’t have to absorb your crazy anymore! I’m going to be a man and make it on my own!

I finally forgive you, Mom. Not because you asked me to. Because I need to. You can’t hurt me anymore. Will I miss you? I don’t know. I love you. Goodbye.