Modern Art

There's no such thing

As good modern art.

While some fellows at the gallery

Make some work of substance

Others make complete nothings

All for the sake of nothingness,

And I'm expected to

Call it art.

Most of the really bad

Modern Art is often mistaken for garbage

Even if it isn't supposed to be garbage,

With the exception

Of 40 sealed cans

Of the Artist's Shit.

One can stare at a white canvas

With streaks of red paint

Scribbled haphazardly about,

And if you know in your fit

That this isnt art,

They call you the philistine,

They're the ones cultured enough

To fork over

Half a million dollars for it.

True story.

I had an interesting

Encounter with a typical

Modern artist,

He had the look and everything;

Tinted glasses,

Turtleneck,

Burkenstocks,

And a dyed glitter-beard.

He showed us his latest

Magnum opus-

An empty soup can

With a used prophilactic

Hanging over the rim.

Mounted in a wooden box,

Closed with glass.

Untitled.

He addresed this sculpture;

"This is a true

Testament of how

Masculinity is the

Cancer of the world.

For, man is a beast of prey,

Motivated only

By food and sex!"

Big talk for a

Scrawny little manlet

In sandals and a dyed

Glitter-beard.

This was met with fawning

Gold claps,

Clinking of glasses

Of Perrier,

And shutter clicks of a camera.

I put down my beer

And said;

"Its just an empty can

And a dann used rubber!

That's not art!

Hell, Warhol could do a better job!"

And for that I was banned

From speaking at the gallery.