Missing the Parade

Missing the Parade

by Teagan Ives

I missed the parade, against all my hopes,

now I sit watching clips of what I missed,

the music, glitter and all other tropes,

as I let a wandering thought persist:

I'm glad, in a way, that I didn't go,

I feared being attacked and going slow.

At work, I stand playing a fantasy,

afraid to show to those I work beside

the real me, if they react angrily,

and fast from my job, I get tossed aside;

so, I smile and allow the sir's to slip

under my skin without 'giving them lip'.

Allowing mistakes to run by unchecked,

led to the rift with my family and I.

They assumed that I must have a defect

and slowly I let my love for them die.

I saw how a true family could behave,

from my friends I found a new path to pave.

With these friends, I play Dungeons and Dragons,

and through the game, pretend to be myself.

My honesty split old friends to fractions,

these friends were kind with how I played my elf,

yet the fracture between reality

kept thoughts on edge, unable to see me.

How can I know my true place in this world

when I can't even dive into my mind?

Through this existence, I've been rudely hurled

and forced to be resigned to the unkind.

How do I push through my anxiety

and let me by my priority?

Now that the rainbows have faded and gone,

awaiting next year's corporate charade,

I worry how I, as me, can live on,

to let me reach the next goal, the parade.

I fret over the future; hopes and dreams,

yet work to see what future me redeems.