metal mouth

pain becomes us, and i am no different

i am anguish; i am blackened, crumbled hope

i fear no evil and see no goodness

i exist only to terrorize myself

i exist to exist, one day, no longer

-

i am heartbroken and crying

on the floor of my apartment

i am begging myself for forgiveness

i am sobbing in the dark

with my face in a pillow

and i do not want to catch my breath

i am exhausted

and cross-fingered for new beginnings

-

i am laughing at my sins

i am dying every day now

i am desolate and afraid, and a coward,

and i can’t shake the feeling that

it is too late for me

-

i am the silence that surrounds

me in the night; i thrive within it

i am unfeeling, until i feel it all

i know only my body and my mind,

and i know both weaken me

i wish to discard of this flesh and bone;

i want to set my head aflame

-

i am the rotted corpses of my loved ones

trudging through the dark

where the streetlights can’t catch me

i am where i knew love once,

and when it left, it did not take me with it

-

i look in the mirror sometimes

only to shrink back and away

my eyes are black and tired

and my gums are red and swollen

i smile — a lie —

before the glass can shatter before me

-

i am cold and alone

and my bones are brittle and cracking

i am cracking, too, all but at the seams

i cannot persist without joy, and

i cannot rest without pain; i want to break free

-

i want to rot and wilt now, not later

i want to know love

in the sweet kiss of death, the smudge of

charcoal on my lips, the bite of shame

cracking my teeth; i am metal mouthed

and smiling, and ashamed of what i’ve become

—

Hey everyone! I’m currently recovering from surgery, which is why I haven’t been super active. I hope to be feeling better and reading/commenting on everyone’s stories soon!