Memories Faded and Faded

The closest thing i had to a grandfather

Is an aluminum can

Stories around the fire gather around

Tears n some laughter

The happily ever after i never found

A hole i cant fix

Memories i cant remember

A name i live with

A curse i was given

A member i never experienced

The closest thing to a grandfather

Also left me a freak of nature

Much like he called me

A great uncle

One of a kind

Called to check in

Gave him a rain check

A month later he

Im here asking why

The closest i came was a unfamiliar aluminum can

Was an odd the sky seemed more blue

I didn't ask where we going

I felt like time away from the PS2 the dark cloud was past due

So we stayed cruising

didn't ask what for

He seemed off

The radio wasn't playing

The cd in was asking

How far is heaven

I was asking at what cost,

Didn't know where i would go

I cant recall my age but it was one of those days i sat in the front

Feeling the gas

The gears shifting

Every crack every bump

Turned into a gate

Looked at my father

Looked at the green grass that laid in front of us

Put the car in park turned off the ignition

Then we began to walk

Up towards

The far end

He got on one knee n i sat next to him

He cracked the can took

A sip

Poured some out n pondered for a bit

He sat there

“Happy birthday dad” he said

Phillip

It read

I realized who it was my eyes filled with red

My dad looked at me i think he said

“This is your grandfather, you never meet him, i'm sorry he was taken before he had the chance to hold his namesake,

he passed away

Before you were conceived

N now you know where you got your name after him after me”

I held my tongue n touched the stone plaque

I didn't ask how i didn't ask when well head back

I sat there

My dad finished the beer

Cracked another one n put it right there

“This is for you dad”

This is for you,

At the time i didn't know, but now i know

There was a void a hole in his heart my grandfather couldn't keep

They tried pumping it out

Black n red it leaked

Seemed like the liquor runs in the family cuz i'm going down the same road

N i don't know how to stop it

Pacheco knows

N i lost so many

My other grand father passed before 50,

Brain ache he couldn’t fix it, he gave me the curse but, i hold it like a gift

I hold there names n i lift them

They were a part of me much like my uncle jimmy

I'm a freak of nature ain't no forgetting

I wear my heart on my sleeve i'm a sinner i don't need forgiven

If i go out like them

Tell my grandchild i miss them

Tell my son my daughter

I would tuck them in n kiss them

Tell my mother

I miss her

Tell my father

To leave a can for me

Or a pint of liquor

Cuz blood is deeper than water

My familia will always be on top

I love them more than me until my heart stop

Until my heart stop

That's the closest i ever got...