Memories

The shadows of remembrance have peaked!

Whenever I turn around I see memories of my childhood

and the once-was and my vain dreams to be a famous singer.

Oh, how I sang at the top of my lungs in this

house and the way I used to dance and hit my foot

in this closed-up space leaving me marks of

wisdom and fear.

I remember how I waited for my cat to choose me

as her pillow each night,

hearing her claws make her crackling way on the parquet

and treating her choices as an important debate.

How I wished to play that black stretched piano with its melody

begging me to be taught, and my voice begging to belong

with its harmonious everlasting song.

I used to fear the shadows projected from my mind

and my innocence has left a temporary scar in my heart

reminding me of the mistakes I’ve done with boys in this city.

The kisses and memories I’ve shared vary from feelings

to locations but what they all have in common is

the immaturity I owned as a teenager forced into a dilemma

between doing the right thing or being wild!

Oh, the cherished memories of night swims

and the drunken memories of 3-day trips

and the nonsense crushes

and the clubs and the eerie stories told at night

in sleepovers with old best friends.

I can’t even begin to describe all the memories

I could describe in detail right now.

I can’t describe the sleepless nights I had over-evaluating

moments I had with boys I wished I had done things

differently with.

I can’t begin to describe how many times I’ve dreamt of celebrities

and wrote fanfics about and hoped that one day

I would meet them.

All that teen stuff.

Yet no pure good moments.

All are accompanied by a bad ending.

And what I really need right now is a

new beginning filled with pureness and good endings,

with no mirages that make me hate certain people and places.