Maybe
But also maybe not.
I feel it again.
That fog that makes me feel like a version of me,
That's not me.
The weight of unshed tears hangs behind my eyes,
Actors in the theatre waiting for a curtain call.
Was I right to worry?
All this time,
Those good days darkened with the shadows
Of questions like
How long can this last?
When will I darken my own doorstep again?
Which side of the coin is really real?
Why? Always why.
I thought I’d done it all right.
I saw a therapist,
A doctor,
A psychiatrist.
I got pills and pills and pills
All the missing parts of me that I take in the mornings
And wait for them to fade again at night.
It’s been good for a while,
A long while.
So long in fact that
For days I’ve brushed this off as
‘Bad sleep’ or
‘Bad dreams’
Or other bad fucking excuses.
Even now I convince myself
That if I leave the house,
Just get some air,
Take a walk
And it will all get better.
Is there only so much room in me
For a fraction of myself?
Cause every time I seem to win
I’ll lose another way.
The worst part is,
I don’t know what triggered it.
Not this time,
Or any time
And this time it is lasting longer.
Long enough for me to write about it.
Long enough to really start to worry.
The tears burn now,
The frustration makes them more potent.
But I don’t even have it in me to rage
It takes too much energy
To get mad
To scream
To weep at the injustice.
So I guess I will settle into the numb
Wait for a miracle
Hope that the pills will work better soon
Pray that some God will take pity on me.
I just hope it happens before
I forget what the good days were like
It's always harder to fight when you don’t know
The worth of the outcome.
Maybe I’ll cry.
Maybe I will go outside and
Maybe it will all get better.
About the Creator
Obsidian Words
Fathomless is the mind full of stories.
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The story invoked strong personal emotions
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
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Comments (20)
Congratulations to You ☺️On Top story 🥳💜❤️🎉!It already got better for You ! I Wish You Much Love and Light ! it's a painful poem about life You are not alone cause You are important and Your are a star !
congratulations on your top story
Congrats for you good story
Top notch expression. Congratulations on your top story.
Congrats on Top Story!! <3
I love it! This is fantastic! 💙Congratulations on your Top Story
Congratulations on your Top Story🧨💞💥
I’m so thankful for this today 🙏 you have written the words from my own heart…. waiting for a miracle indeed. I especially loved “It's always harder to fight when you don’t know The worth of the outcome.” Because those words immediately lifted my heart again. I remember the worth of the outcome. I needed those words more than you know… thank you 🤍🙏🕊️
As someone who's been here, this hits it exactly. Well done! :)
First, congratulations on attaining TOP STORY. You really deserve it. This is excellent and brings me in. I hope things reach a sunnier day for you.
No real words. Perfectly done. ust I'm sorry that it is this way 🤍 I wish my cyber gugs would help.Take care 🤍
I could feel the weight of your depression in this. SO well written and evocative. I hope that the act of putting it into words helps you to find a better space.
This was heavy and well Written! I do hope that you're okay. And congratulations ♥️
I very understandable portrayal. Well done. But I hope you're ok, also. If not today, then soon.
Very much worthy of a Top Story award, this was fantastic! So many good lines to call out, too many for one comment. I loved the structure as well, the intention behind the length and pace of each line really drove home some of the more painful points. Exquisite work. Of course, I have to imagine it comes from a place of truth, as great art often does. I hope things get better soon.
Congratulations on achieving top story status!
this is so so so so real
This was spot on for what I experience with depression. And so, so well written and candid which I really appreciate. You do what is recommended by experts and yet people still suffer. Sure, you have better days, and more of them, but it feels inevitable that another episode will come and your whole life will become a big question mark, and people will wonder "why?" but there is no reason. Depression is a chronic illness for many, and it's very hard to accept that. This here is probably my favorite from the whole poem, as it's something I think is rarely mentioned for people who have depression for long lengths of time. It becomes so exhausting just to try some days! "It takes too much energy To get mad To scream To weep at the injustice" Thank you for sharing your thoughts and troubles. <3 It helps people like me feel less alone!
Maybe I think your poem is amazing, maybe I think your poem is incredible! Maybe, just maybe, it’s both!
Goddamn, this is heavy. "When will I darken my own doorstep again?" "Is there only so much room in me For a fraction of myself?" These lines are stunning, whole poems in and of themselves. Of course, the entire piece is just stunningly written. I know how this feels too. Just perfectly captured. I do hope you are okay.