Mama

She beckons me

To step forward,

And I follow her voice

That sounds both

Strange and familiar…

We have met before.

Not during this life,

But in many others

Past and future…

And this is the first time

She has arrived by dream.

A memory emerges:

Her face, startling and stunning,

Illuminated by fire and moonlight

In the desert we called home.

But this place is different.

I stand on shore

While she awaits in ocean.

I want to touch her.

My feet meet frigid foam,

And I gasp.

But I adjust,

And soon, I march further in

Deeper than my courage

Has ever gone before.

Waves embrace me...

Or do they

Push me backwards?

My limbs stand firm,

And I am stronger

Than I realize.

I laugh,

Begging to be baptized.

She laughs too,

At something I do not know.

The wall of water

Approaches quickly, fiercely,

And I dare it to do its worst.

The challenge is accepted,

And suddenly,

I am swallowed.

Violently tumbling,

Colliding,

Smacking

Against sand and rocks…

I know that

There will be blood.

How could she betray me so?

When I plead for pardon,

I am gagged.

When my eyes open,

Salt seals them shut again.

Will she grant mercy,

Or is my sentence

To be buried

By her essence?

“I am sorry, Mama!”

My only words that make it

Through the surface.

I thought forgiveness

Was already mine,

Yet within moments,

More sins appear for atonement.

She has no intention

Of intervention.

She cannot defeat the purpose,

Or else, how will I learn?

My lungs scream, skin breaks,

And the poison in my body

Now has a path to escape.

And as soon as

The slow sickness has been cured,

She is calm.

I am free to rise

Purified,

But not relieved

From the pain.

An explanation is not required,

And she offers no apology.

It will hurt,

And it is necessary.

My vision returns,

Allowing me to meet her gaze.

“Thank you, Mama.”

She nods.

I will ache for days,

But healing will come

When I am ready

To receive it.

She only gave me what I asked for

Because she knew I needed it,

And for that,

I am grateful.

I emerge from the depths

Changed, and cleansed.

Who would I be

Without her love?