(M)oth(e)rhood

We talked

We made eyes,

made jokes,

made love,

made promises,

then made you.

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Now here I lay, in this bed

contemplating all the other realities I could have lived

if it wasn’t for the other boy across the bar neglecting other ladies,

other green, blue, and brown eyes looking at him.

I was in the middle of all the other life I had planned before you, little one

then in the blink of an eye,

he was the only other thing I cared about

and you were no longer a future conversation,

but the most purposeful accident I ever made.

So here you almost are, neither here nor there just yet

still a dream, on the brink of coming true.

I’m so excited to meet you, otherwise a little scared…

Will you take me for all my otherness, as I’ll take you?

Just before you come through, will you promise to be the better parts of us two?

And if he should ever walk away,

and it suddenly becomes just you and I,

will you forgive me as I give it another try?

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Push!

Breathe!

Push!

Breathe!

One more big one!

Another one!

————————

I can feel it now

A waning crescent young woman is about to become a new moon

I am not the moments that came before this or anything after yet

I have been so many things, and am now to be another

A mother.

I am pushing, praying, hoping

Breathe!

Breathe!

Breathe!

And then all at once,

Ready or not…