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Love is a gift, but love is not a bundle

Love is a gift, but love is not a bundle

By DIANA MATHISPublished 2 years ago 4 min read
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According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, the needs of belonging and love belong to missing needs, that is, when we do not experience intimacy, we will experience a sense of missing subjectively.

At the same time, the need of belonging and love also belongs to the need of a lower level, which means that in an ordinary person's life, he cannot live a normal and healthy life without love, or even seek higher development. Just like children cry when they don't eat sugar, although we don't want to admit that some negative changes are quietly taking place in our lives when we don't feel close, such as intermittent lack of motivation and unknowingly lack of progress. To change this situation, we need to rely on others to provide satisfied conditions from the outside. The subject itself cannot supply itself naturally. At this time, we will seek intimate relationships and intimate emotions. It is the contact without a sense of distance with a specific object that meets our needs for belonging and love.

In Eriksson's personality development theory, there are the same views. People in early adulthood crave intimacy and avoid loneliness. It goes without saying that intimacy is one of the ways to avoid loneliness. While experiencing intimate feelings and maintaining close relationships, maybe we will get a huge source of confidence, get the motivation to do many things, and feel that the moon is more round at the moment - happiness is coming in this process. I feel happy mostly because I think it is a gift from God to have such a person give me such love.

But love is not binding.

Their own emotional needs can not rely too much on intimacy. I think if a person wants to achieve better self-worth, growth and progress, it is recommended to maintain the dependence on intimacy at about 40%. Because love is not binding. Although we hope to maintain long-term and solid intimate feelings with others, "human joys and sorrows are not interlinked". There may be more or less differences in everyone's experience and expectations for the future. We can't ask that his value orientation and life pursuit must be the same as mine because we love someone, nor can we restrict him under the pretext of love.

Love should be fair. When we fall in love, you are 40% of me, that is, the subtle 40% coincidence of our souls (maybe higher or lower); If we disagree, I will take back part of the soul that coincides with you. Of course, I will not obey you because I love you. I will not force my soul to fit with you without reservation, nor will I be heartless and cut off our intimate relationship without any difference.

If I really go to the day when I have to go my separate ways, I should know that I must be able to redeem my soul as completely as possible - with a period of negative emotion and depression. We are close, but we can't, so we have to be tied together.

Intimacy is the icing on the cake of life, not the only salvation.

My soul will not always be complete. I will never regain 40% of the weight I paid. When I separate, my soul must be damaged. In the following days, I need to use more experience and energy to repair my soul and make him a complete and different me again.

This is why I have always stressed that you should not base all your hopes and confidence on relationships and emotions with others. If 40% of your souls can repair themselves, but if you deliver them all, the damage of 80% of your souls is almost enough to collapse one's faith and rebuild one's life - this is not groundless. In previous work experience, I have seen young women drink and collapse into mud, Cry out about those feelings that can't come back. When young, people tend to pour all their efforts and feelings into someone, and firmly believe that this is their right one. They always see intimacy as the only thing and think they can't live alone. It's true that there are two worthy family members, but there are not a few who have not become family members.

Therefore, sometimes I don't agree with Maslow, because I always keep awake and feel that I won't maintain a close relationship with someone for a long time.

At the same time, I'm glad someone has warmed my soul and life with his feelings, but I also have the ability to survive by myself. I retain most of my principles to maintain my soul world and belief world, which is not so fragile. In the days I spend alone, what I pursue is to make progress day by day and add to my ordinary soul. Everyone who pursues will not bind himself to a certain emotion. It should be the right thing in the days without intimate relationship to build his own strength through his hobbies, improve his cognition and communication, enjoy his hobbies, and look forward to new intimate relationships without making do with it or losing his bottom line.

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About the Creator

DIANA MATHIS

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