Love.

I wrote this poem initially because I wanted to share the expressions of heartbreak that I have felt. I know not everyone experiences the same emotions, but sometimes it's nice to know that someone has been there. It doesn't go into detail, just some of the self-pondering thoughts of blame and sorrow that I went through. One of the things that I want to share with this poem is not just the chaos that a broken heart carries. But as the poem goes on I am able to share that I can sing with my brokenness. I might not be the same person I was before I went through this mess, but that doesn't mean that I have to stay broken.

In the middle of this poem I state, "And even though the years have gone by, some movies or statements (might) still make me cry" which brings to mind one particular moment in the newest 2019 movie version of Little Women in which Jo states, "And I'm so sick of people of people saying that love is all a woman is fit for. I'm so sick of it. But I'm...I'm so lonely!" (Greta Gerwig, Little Women film, 2019).

I've found myself in that place more than once.

I can take even the hard parts of these memories -- and really, any horrible moment in life! -- and carve out something to hold on to, something to propel me forward and to reach out to others. What I experienced was not something that I would wish on anyone. But the person I have become because of it I wouldn't change for the world!

Below is the first-ever shared from a set of poems that I am in the process of publishing. This is being gathered, along with twenty other poems, into a little pamphlet and separated into three categories: Life, Love, and Learn. To discover more, be sure to keep an eye out on my blog here and especially my Instagram @hannah_marie._author, from which I show most of my art and writing updates.

Love. Poem #14

Many years later I sit on my steps, journal by my side

Surely I wrote a poem about that heartbreak, that chaos, that indelible moment, the tears

And yet...

There had to be words that flowed out of my heart, that I used to confide

Creating the words into the emotions that hid everything, even fears

But still...

In all the words and emotions, the feeling remains

My concerns and understandings of events were true

But his were, too.

And even though the years have gone by, some movies or statements (might) still make me cry

They remind me of dreams that were changed, golden joy that turned blue

Makes me sad to think that such expectancies drifted into the sky

And yet...

Moments that it seems like I've missed

Like laughter at jokes, moments of freedom, a soft kiss

Aren't anything that turn my life away from what will be

Yes it has molded my thoughts and has permanently shaped me

I have different qualities because of bruises to my heart

But the memories just bring up one place to start.

But still...

Still there is joy in the world around me

I shouldn't miss the moments that make me smile because

Being in the present is the best way to embrace the changing

How I am different is a way I can reach to others' scars

The chaos, the memories, the change, the shaking of my world

Is not the end. It's creating me into someone who can reach farther and speak gentler and love more deeply

Not the end of the words

But a reason to LOVE completely