Lost Little Girl

I was the apple of your eyes,

Your little girl,

Your little dancer,

Your little star,

Until she walked in,

And you walked out.

You treated me like a shadow,

Like a piece of dirt on the ground;

I begged you to love me,

But you never uttered those words

After that,

Not a single sound.

Gone were the days of playing in the park,

Gone were the days of holidays,

Birthdays,

Love,

Affection,

Laughter,

Gone were the days of a parent who used to care.

You chose to walk beside the other woman,

You left us, and my mum;

You walked blindly into the sun,

And you abandoned me too.

You made up excuses not to see me,

Said that your new love couldn't cope with me;

But, your new love wasn't your daughter,

I was.

You ignored my cries of pain,

You never noticed when I got hurt;

I needed you more than ever,

But you weren't there.

You were brutal to me;

You treated me in ways I would

never treat my own daughter,

Or son.

You used severe physical punishment,

And you punished me emotionally too.

Now,

You are unwell;

You won't remember me in years to come,

They say that I should be there,

What has been done,

Can't be undone.

You haven't bothered with me,

Since I grew up,

You've never called me,

Never spoke with me;

And, you never got to know

Your grandkids when they were young.

I became your lost little girl,

While my siblings became your joy;

You chose to push me further into the shadows,

Despite my efforts to try.

Yes, I know;

You know your other adult children,

And, grandchildren really well;

You've watched them grow up;

Though you never took a minute to

see my children, also your grandchildren

to grow up.

You never got to know your

son-in-law either;

You know, the man who has been there

for me more than you.

The man who did your job;

Picking up the shattered pieces of

my heart for over 20 years.

So, I won't make any apologies,

Because I can't be there,

For a parent who was never there

For me.

A parent I have never known,

In over 20 years.

I don't wish you any harm,

I wish you a peaceful life,

But if in death you pass,

I can't be there to say goodbye.

Saying goodbye would be like

grieving a stranger;

I will grieve the dad I used to know,

Before I became,

The lost little girl;

The little girl with no confidence,

No self-esteem,

No self-worth,

No trust.

The lost little girl who didn't

know love,

Or who she was,

Because you didn't teach her so.