Lost in My Own Mind

I feel lost inside my own mind.

​Sometimes there are too many thoughts running rampant in my head that I can’t make heads or tails of them. I don’t know which way is up or how to keep myself from drowning amongst the waves of emotion. I’m surrounded by a stampede of noise and images, steady reaching out trying to hold onto any one idea, to make sense of any once concept. My heart races, my vision blurs, I get dizzy and lose my grasp on reality.

What is reality anyways? Is it the same for everyone? Or is it different for each person based on their own perception of life? How can we be sure that one person’s reality isn’t a fantasy to the person sitting next to them? Will we ever really know?

​At other times my mind goes blank. There is nothing in my head but a dark void, expanding throughout all of space and time. It blocks out the clutter of noises and lights that typically fill the space, bringing peace in times of loneliness. But with the loneliness comes sadness. Instead of standing in a cavity of nothingness, I begin to fall. Like a hypnic jerk when you’ve just dozed off, except I’m not jolted awake from this feeling. It lingers as I fall faster and deeper until suddenly I crash into a pool filled with quiet panic.

The pool is the only moment of true calm in this roller coaster I call life. Everything meshes together. The quick thoughts and bright lights meet the dark void and for only a moment of clarity, my mind feels “normal”. Or what I would assume is my perception of normal…