Living Nightmare

Last night I had a nightmare

And awoke in such a state.

I reached across the bed for comfort,

Only to remember no one was there.

I haven’t had someone to share a bed with

For what seems a thousand years.

Not that I miss my old bed fellow.

But some comforts I do envy others for.

When my fist closed around empty air

I shrugged it off and sighed.

bad dreams face alone, make me sick inside

But in the morning I’ll find friends.

But morning came and those whom I look to

I found no relief.

No hug from the roommates turned family.

And my thoughts turned sour.

No comfort from the roommates,

Who must think I’m too much’

But how to I ask them for help when they too

Have endured fair too many things.

No comfort from the university best friend,

That I’m trying not to feel lost from.

All because of broken plans

And patterns I’m finding in my head.

No comfort from parents distant

Not in relation but in miles.

It’s not easy to show up on someone’s door

When it’s a nine hour drive.

So I turned to myself…. Again and again.

And screamed into dead air.

I don’t want to play the victim.

The broken little one,

But oh I’m getting so tired…..

of carrying myself.

Of hugging my body back in place.

I wish I had someone to save me

Just this one time….

Before I run out of reasons to be my own hero.