like January sunshine

like January sunshine

simmer down kid

it ain't your fuckin time yet

you're meant to be here

bones steeped in January rain

there's a mold growing from you

you can't fight it

so you don't right now

and you don't know what's next

all you know is its cold

put on a blanket

you can't

the cat is on you..your idyllic life

maybe you'll nap.

maybe you'll rest for once.

this hell is better with you

rina said it

give her the credit she's due

but who's even listening to you??

who do you fuckin matter to??

which moon should you weep to

I'll weep to the one I can see

that's all I'm good for

all I can manage

fuck .. get on stage

you should show them

let them look at you

so you can prove them right

you're just as terrible as you've always been

or maybe you're losing

to your lizard brain?

well then I guess you can't even trust your brain

fuck

is this a panic attack?

it feels like how people describe it?

no no it's just the song

yeah, that's it it's just the song

but I'm still lost

it doesn't matter what poison medicine I give myself

my spine is always hung on a coatrack

and my lungs don't have any room for themselves

fuck

fuck it's so bright

my head always hurts

I'm still cold though

come back. come back, love.

you might not like her.

a love letter instead of a death threat

aimed at yourself.

she deserves better. so do you.

remember kid. January rain.

be here.

find a way to enjoy it.

those aren't bombshells you're hearing.

they used to be.

but they aren't anymore.

you're safe now.

it's all in a song

everything you can't hold

can all rest here

you can set it down a while

you can sit in the green grass

or that patch of moss

you love to sit on moss

in the rose of early sunshine

sit here a while.

stay and soak your moldy bones

they need it & so do you.

stop affecting ugliness like it suits you

it doesn't

so stop pretending

I thought you could be bigger than that

I think you could

but you have to want it, darling

you have to earn it for yourself.