life envy

I look across the room

See your glowing curls

And strike at my own oily bob.

Listening to Conan,

You boast at the tickets you bought -

Taylor, Olivia, Harry

All the big names

I've never quite caught up.

I only just liked Chappell

But you're onto the next star in Sydney next month

While I avoid contact with the customers I don't like.

There's a pressure, I think

To be visible and highlighted

Every moment liked and posted online

There's no point having conversation

When the thought of a comment is more enthralling

Than a fun fact I learnt about penguins yesterday.

I get life envy, every now and then

When I hear the girls who study legal

Talk about ethics and politics -

It makes my acting classes pale, comparatively.

Even though writing, performing is what makes my heart sing

Maybe?

I chose, at the beginning of this year,

To move forward without your shadow in my rearview mirror

I didn't want to comply with the wrinkled white lines

There's no point in trying hard to start again

When you can't even have fun.

Right?

I chose to dress in bright pink and turquoise;

Thought it'd be nice to carry a truer smile for a change.

And surprisingly, when the moment changed

You didn't seem all that perfect anymore.

I could squint through the green-faced mist

And look at the passing glances you shared with no one

Because their backs turned quicker than your next thought

The conversation onto a football player you've never seen before

Because sitting in the rain watching footy on a Friday night sounds horrible to you.

Despite the life envy I find myself with

The heaviness I get at the month's conclusion

I can still have something you don't;

I can still own the progress,

Write through the scars

And appease the stars

So they know that they're not left in the dark

But they're watched and whispered to

Because I like to read them the newest chapter of a romance

Or the letters an author found about the Medici's.

I prefer to explore as we go,

Progress within the mysterious fog

And find out gradually how much speaking makes everything easier to breathe through.

~