Let the sun Explode

I have been living at the bottom of a lake for the last eighteen years of my life

I sit in the wet sand and shove mudpies into my mouth

eating them like spoonfuls of sugar

I want to be one with the earth

part of the fae

mother natures best friend

so I snort lines of dirt in the woods behind the cemetery

and keep seashells in my bra

when my brothers friend died I called it a dirt nap and the mother kicked me out of the funeral

so I drove away with a man who looked like my seventh grade science teacher and he promised me the world

but threw me out of the car when we hit the state lines

once when I was seven I ate a spider and told my Mother it was for a dare

that was a lie like most everything else because really I just wanted to know that I was more than the barrier that is my mental state

the first time I swam in the ocean I felt the salt leave tiny kisses on my skin

and when the jellyfish stung me I pretended it was just giving me a hug

my fantasy curdled like milk in the sun when I felt the piss on my leg

and finally I cried

because the earth wants to be one on its own

the fae laughed in my face

and mother nature doesn’t even know my name

so let the sun explode

and scorch the earth

and everything I’ve ever considered home