Justified Destruction

“For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.”

I thought nothing of it that Sunday

Twenty grand in a white suitcase with a little black bible pinned to the first stack

Few rules and instructions to take in

Nothing complex

I must read the following verses in order for the next seven days

I cannot spend or use the money until the end of seventh day

Noncompliance with the rules will be consequential

I didn't care

But I did stop and stare

Simplicity is a lie but I figured I would be cautious

I'm smart, I'm handsome. I'm John. I got this.

Now that hell has become my forever home

I wish I wasn't so prideful...

Monday

“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” Mark 8:36

Hmm

A little dreary for a Bible

Whatever

I'm six days away from my getaway

My ticket

My freedom

My ultimate mistake

My wife Orlena asked me

"Where did I find it?"

"What did I find in it?"

"Is it mine to keep?"

The first two questions are details that aren't important

However

The last

I wish I truly pondered the notion

"Honey"

I responded

"This is our ticket"

"Our freedom"

"Part of our future"

"Ebele's staple"

Ebele is our unborn son

Or daugther

I continued

"Just relax"

"Stay cautious"

"Push comes to shove"

"I'll put it back"

She kissed me

She looked worried

A little weary

It didn't matter

I took a few dollars

From the stack

I went to work

At work

I find the bible

Same simple instructions

Right on my desk

"This has to be a prank at this point"

"Who put this on my desk?"

"Really funny with the suitcase and all"

"A bible is a little daunting but I can take a good joke"

No one laughed

They looked at me but didn't look in my direction

No one fessed up

No one admitted it

Fine.

It must be a warning

I figured

I took a few dollars when it said I can't use it

Good thing they let me figure it out

And not just kill me first

Or whatever the "consequences" may be

I finished my shift

Went home

Ate dinner

Made love to my wife

Snuck a drink while she slept

And went to sleep

Tuesday

“The righteous hate what is false, but the wicked make themselves a stench and bring shame on themselves.” Proverbs 13:5

Again

The dreary verse

Whatever

Five more days

I read this one with Orlena

She's been curious to know

What these daily scriptures are

While we read

My phone vibrated

Three times

I controlled it with my watch

But I'm hoping Orlena didn't see

She knows not to call

Not when I'm getting ready for work

But a little later on

Orlena asked me who was it

I told her I had no idea

Bill collector

Telephone marketer

Anyone but Her

I kissed Orlena

And left for work

As soon as I stepped in my office

My boss called me to his office

"These are routine questions John don't feel offended but I have to ask just as I've asked everyone else here"

"Sure sir"

"Do you have any information that can help us find the bastard or bastards that tried to steal a quarter of a million dollars last Friday?"

No. I said

"Okay well thank you for your transparency son"

"No problem Mr. Kannon"

"Oh and Mr. Kannon?"

"Yes John"

"My wife just called I'm going to step outside for a minute"

"Okay John thank you"

I hurried outside

I don't know if I was watched or followed

I didn't care

I called Damien

"Hey John—

"Damien you told me we wouldn't be attached to this"

"We're not stop worrying, I'm good at what I do"

"Well as far as I'm concerned my job's IT team are on the move so this better not come back to me"

"It won't"

"It better not"

I hung up

I put on my brave face

Headed back into my building

Finished my shift

Headed home

Ate dinner

Made love to my wife

Snuck a drink for old times sake

And went to bed

Wednesday

I woke up a little early today

Just couldn't sleep all the way

Nervousness

Or excitement

Crept in my subconscious

Whatever

It's time time to start the day

“Do not trust in extortion or put vain hope in stolen goods; though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them.” Psalms 62:10

Well

What another wonderful verse

To start the day

I got dressed

Ate some breakfast

Went to work

I walked into my building

It was cold

But not temperature cold

The atmosphere

Hard stares

Cold heels on the floor

When I got off the elevator to my floor

A man who I didn't even know worked there

And I know everyone

Shoulder bumped my steps into oblivion

Before I could set my belongings into my office

I was called into Mr. Kannon's

What stood before me could make hell freeze over

Two police officers

My office supplies and equipment

And

Damien

I went blue in the face

Mr. Kannon began

"John it has come to my attention that you are in fact one of the two conspirators that attempted to steal a quarter of a million dollars from this bank through a amateur cyber attack last Friday"

"Our IT team broke through and found everything"

"Damien your co-conspirator here came into the office as requested and admitted the whole scheme"

"John."

"You will not face jail or prison time for your gross attempt."

"I will spare you the indisputable punishment as I know you have a wife and an incoming baby on the way and suspect that that is part of the reason you attempted this crime"

"A few things will happen after this conversation is over"

"This attempt is going on your record as I have already filed and dealt with the matter with the police"

"You are barred from working at any other bank in the country even if you attempted to demote yourself from your current position"

"Though you will not be arrested for this crime you will get the dissatisfaction of being escorted out the building by our country's finest in handcuffs and then released by your vehicle"

"Good bye John"

They walked me out

I think that was the first time I hung my head down low

Regretted my actions

Wished I had changed the past

I will be jobless

I can't even file for unemployment

I'm done

We arrived to my car

They uncuffed me

Shoved my boxes into my chest

And walked away

I got in my car

And headed home

I'll put on a brave face

I'll figure it out tomorrow

I'll tell Orlena

That they let me leave early

Yeah

"I let them know that you seemed like you were having complications"

"Oh okay" she said

"Did you just want to stay home today?"

"Yeah" I replied

"Didn't really sleep last night"

I hugged my wife

Kissed my wife

Watched movies with my wife

Made love to her

And went to sleep

Thursday

Orlena read this scripture

She was up early today

She just wanted to see what it contained

She would have never thought

It would confirm her worst fear

“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 1st Corinthians 6:16

Orlena is a Christian

Not a skeptic

She didn't know that everything I read

For the past three days

Would somehow be part of my day

Hell

I didn't even put the pieces together

But she knew

That this verse

This verse

Was true

Not even prostitutes'

But someone

I woke up

A while after

I jumped straight into the shower

I just needed a second to myself

To think

To plan my next move

To make an excuse

I found myself wanting to see Her

What you call the forbidden one

I needed to see Her

After all the shit I've been through

I called for Orlena

To let her know

I'd be home late from work today

She said nothing

I finished my shower to make sure she was okay

She wasn't

She was standing there

With our wedding ring in one hand

And my phone in the other

Her eyes full of tears

"How could you do this to me?" she asked

"When were you unhappy?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't we talk about this?"

"Answer me!" she screamed

"What about Ebele?"

"Did you stop and think for a moment about the baby?"

"Not even me but for the child you asked to have and bring into this world?"

I began to cry

I told her I planned on ending things

To tell her after she gave birth

And really after postpartum

I told her that life has been so hectic this week

From finding the twenty grand to losing my jo—

"What do you mean you lost your job?"

I spoke too soon

Too fast

I blurted it out along with my excuses

"Remember when I told you we had a robbery attempt through a cyber attack that happened last Friday?" I said

"Yes"

"That was me... and a partner"

She turned white

Then red

Then white

As if she'd seen a ghost

As if she was about to explode

She slapped me

Then started packing

I cried

I begged

I pleaded

I needed her to just stay by me

Especially during this time

I needed her now more than ever

But she felt nothing

She looked more cold towards me than my coworkers yesterday

She finished packing

Threw her ring at my face

And left

I screamed

That scream that comes from the bowels of your stomach

Deep from your soul

Pain

A soul scream

I called Her

I packed a bag

I went to Her

I made love to Her

I slept with Her

And left the next morning

Friday

"Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil." Psalm 37:8

I ripped the page

"This all started because of you!" I pointed to the sky

I pointed to the suitcase

I pointed to the money

I pointed to the Bible

I was talking to the Christian God at this point

I had no one else to talk to

I referred to him because that's what that Bible referred to

I actually did go to a Christian private school

From Pre-K

To Junior high

I hated that school

Every giddy jee jolly Jesus lover was a sinful hypocrite who just judged people and threw a religion for an excuse

There was this guy

I believe his name was Michael

He came from a rich family

We were about the same age

I beat the shit out of that Jesus lover

Fucking bastard had the nerve to say he'd pray for me

I told him I wanted nothing to do with the Christian God and he'd better not do that shit

I had anger issues back then that were only fixed through consistent therapy

And eventually

Removal from the school

I caught him later on that day in a prayer circle with a group of girls

I heard my name come out of his faggot ass mouth

I beat the living hell out of him

I beat him until he was unrecognizable

I beat him until I couldn't see him breathing

The girls tried to rip me off of him

But it was ultimately

Damien

Who pulled me off of his unconscious body

That was enough

And I had gone too far

But I didn't care

I'd ripped him a new one just like I said I would

I don't know what happened to him after that

That

Is when I was removed

I wondered in the moment

My wife leaving

And losing my job

Where did all that anger go?

I smashed everything

Orlena wasn't coming back

She'd maybe come for her clothes

Which will be exactly where she left them

I ripped anything I would find

Stabbed the couch

Ripped most of our furniture

Broke glasses

Plates

I'm surprised no one called the police

I continued to destroy almost everything I could get my hands on

Including Ebele's stuff

I didn't even want the kid

I just wanted my wife back

I destroyed everything in the house until there was nothing left but Orlena's clothes

That's when I saw the missed calls

And the voice mails

It was from Orlena

But it wasn't Orlena

My wife had been out drinking since late last night

And continued into the afternoon

She put her life and jeopardized the life of our unborn child and attempted to drive back to the hotel she was staying at drunk

She ended up in a head on collision with another car in the opposing lane

And killed herself and our Son

This voicemail was from the paramedics

They clearly were in a hurry

I could tell by the tone and environment of the voicemail

They were trying to save her

But she was dead

From grief

My son

MY SON

Was gone

I passed out onto the torn couch

Literally

My heart stopped

If I had just called

Pursued my wife

Try to find my wife

Instead of just succumbing to Her

My wife would still be here

My son would still be coming

What is there to live for anymore?

Saturday

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Mathew 26:41

I didn't comprehend this verse

I was drunk when I read it

What a coincidence that I was drunk when I read it?

It's all starting to make sense now

Isn't it?

I drank into the night

And woke it up into the day

I'm just not as dumb as Orlena

To go and get into a car

I read this verse with blurry vision and a piece of glass near my wrist

I thought about it

But I really didn't think about it

Not then at least

All I could think about is how I promised to stop drinking for a baby

Who doesn't exist now

How I concealed Her once I found out Orlena was pregnant

How I was free to do what I wanted then

And now

But I wasn't in my right mind

Hell

I denied Orlena's death

My in-laws called me

I didn't pick up

I heard a knock on the door

But I was sober enough in my drunkeness to stay quiet

Even if the lights were on

I guess they thought

I was grieving

When in fact I was celebrating

What is the point of life anymore?

Sunday

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

I didn't read this verse

I didn't get the chance

Sometime real early that morning

I had a mental break down

Heart attack

Panic attack

All three?

I felt like I was dying

It hit me all at once

I truly have nothing to live for.

I had lost my job, wife, and unborn son

Within 7 days time

By this time

I had my Glock 17 near my head

I had come up with a few ways to die overnight in my madness

But this was the quickest and surest way

I wanted to replace this gun

Maybe even collect a few but Orlena wouldn't let me

"Not with the baby" she said

"Strictly for protection"

The only thing I have to protect now is my dignity

My dignity to not go and cause a seen

I didn't even care about the money anymore

Because I have nothing

But everything I've done

And all that has happened this week

I was wrong

Wrong in my Greed

Lying tongue

Thievery

Adultery

Anger

Addiction

And now

The only way possible to punish myself

"For the wages of sin is death" Romans 6:23

"Collateral damage, Damien... Collateral damage"

-Michael