Just keep swimming

God doesn't want me to die.

She'd rather watch me suffer.

Tormenting me out in the open, I'm living hell on this earth,

And the truth is, I don't even deserve that much buffer.

Wiping away toxicity that only makes me tougher

I just want to live a life of truth-without this fucking stutter.

If Jesus died for all my sins, does that mean he saved me?

In spite of all the light-skinned women, the Devil gave me?

The lying and dishonesty that happened almost daily,

Led to 30 million different stories of how my friends would all portray me.

My oldest friends talk amongst themselves like-" Fuck that dude, he betrayed me! Spent my whole life around this guy for him to turn around and play me?"

The hardest part for me? They're all right!

So they're entitled to that spite... Allowed to have their closure.

Meanwhile, both my parents were in prison, childhood home fell to foreclosure.

Resulting in immediate exposure to the worst of this worlds elements.

I was soon bouncing too many checks-I was lacking common sense!

Quick question-If the devil promised you pleasure,

Endless promiscuous passion you would consume.

Could you see through this ruse?

To find the time to be my muse?

Or be a canvas I could use - fall in love with - and then lose.

I have this D - Evil in me,

I need to cut this demon loose.

Sooo...

What's the worst way to hurt someone? - Never mind, I think I found it.

It's not that I try to ruin everything I touch - I'm just well-rounded.

If my life was a VHS tape - it would be returned 3 days late and not rewound.

My life is so lackluster - I don't complain or make a sound.

I'm like a Friday night at Blockbuster - with no new releases around.

I'm like the very first Pisces to just keep swimming and drown.

That's not hyperbole either.

There was the main point I think you missed...

I found a way to drown even though I'm a fucking fish!

I want to write a movie that you'll love - The best currency is your time.

One that you will fall for instantly - wanting to rewind.

I want to elevate your mind by telling you stories so sublime,

that you'll forget about the grind, stars should only fucking shine!

But I won't...

Well, I shouldn't...

I mean, it's not the fact you think I couldn't.

I'm just sick of doing things after I said I wouldn't do it.

I've made so many mistakes, my new nicknames, 'Fake'

You give. And I take. That's your life if we date.

And really how much aggravation should one woman take?

Especially when as far as men go, well, I'm really not that great.

Things that would be good for me don't exactly fit me like a glove.

The biggest weakness that I have revolves around the word, 'love.'

I just don't get enough of it and when I do I pass it up.

And all the love I use to have is in the trash all rolled up,

Sometimes I hope that's what I find when I search my house for drugs.

Your currency may be money, mine is fucking hugs!

You want to get close to me and I just want to run from it,

I hate the monster I can't kill, and things I've done because it.

Obviously, I have so much growing up to do...

Problems lay in piles in front of me - till I think 'What's the use?'

Questions I'm never going to answer,

I need a multi-faceted solution.

You know, my nickname should really be cancer...

Do I need growth? Or evolution?