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Just Because I Supply You...

And Insight to a Dealer's Mind

By Natalie Marie Stefani-RicePublished 3 years ago 8 min read
2
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Just because I'm the one supplying you doesn't make me a bad person.

Please, stop hiding the fact that we are 'friends' from people, like your spouse.

We've been friends forever.

Like last Saturday when I saw you at the store and I said "what's up" to you and you just gave me the head nod and quickly looked away.

You acted like you weren't just at my house about five hours before.

I hear about your bar-be-cues and kid's birthday parties, everyone we both know gets invited but me.

You tell me that your wife would get mad if we hung out.

You mean your wife would get mad to find out you're using again.

Get what you're gonna get at one time.

Don't get me wrong I love seeing your face but traffic is trouble, I try to keep it down.

Stop trying to buy the shit in the wee hours of the morning.

It's bad enough it's super late and risky, but sneaking out with his car to come by my house to cop a bag is just crazee.

You laugh about it, saying how you even took a bill from his wallet.

You know eventually he's going to catch you.

You're going to slip up somehow and I'll be the one to take the blame, you forget he's my friend too.

Don't believe that you are hiding the fact that you're high from him.

When you're high it's obvious - he has to know.

And if you all are doing it together please don't ask for a little something on the side when your spouse leaves the room.

You shouldn't be lying about who you are and you shouldn't expect me to lie to your spouse too.

She's my friend too.

Just because I am your drug dealer doesn't make me the bad guy.

I hate credit because people "forget" or avoid me on pay day.

I can't afford to pay for your habit.

I don't ask for credit, neither should you.

When you do ask for credit even knowing that I don't like to do it, it costs me money.

I got bills to pay too.

If I do bend my rules and give you credit don't make it a weekly thing or make it a habit.

And certainly stop bragging about it.

If you tell me you're going to take care of me on Friday when you get your check don't avoid my text.

Don't give me the bullshit you "forgot" when I do catch up with you.

If you can't afford to do it - don't do it.

Please, don't hit me up telling me you need a certain dollars worth then show up dollars short.

Do not - not mention it to me.

If the moneys not all there you better ask me, don't tell me or assume it's gonna be Kool and I'll let you float.

You know I'm not going to count the money in front of you so it will only piss me off when I do count it.

If you can't afford to do it - don't do it.

Don't message me and then hit up other dealers; playing first come first serve bullshit.

Take me out of your rolodex, delete me off your contact list and make sure you're not referring to me as an option.

I'm no one's fucking option.

If you hit me up at the same time you are asking other people that may run for you, chances are I've already covered you.

That's what I do.

And now you tell me forget it, you got it somewhere else, I have to work twice as hard to move what you don't want.

And I'm just as busy as you are, so please don't call me or text me back to back to back.

I saw you called, I read your text.

If I'm good and I can do it I'll let you know.

If I ask you when you slept last and you joke about it being almost 7 days, don't be surprised when I'm out later that day.

Go to sleep.

No one likes sloppy.

If I tell you I'm stopping by understand that I'm never on time - that would be stupid and it's not how this works.

If you tell me you're stopping by be on time, I'm probably expecting someone after you; everyone likes to keep their shit private.

You don't need to see who I deal with and no one needs to see you.

When you get here don't start in on the local rumors; did I hear about so and so.

Remember who I am, show me respect, and I've heard everything by the time I see you.

You just look like a big mouth.

If you talk about them - then you'll talk about me.

This is a simple way to lose some of my trust; just by opening your mouth.

Don't bring people I don't know with you to my house.

Even if they drove.

I'm not stupid, they are not stupid, the only one kinda stupid is you.

If you didn't have it before you got here then you do after you came here, where would they guess you got it from?

No, I don't want to meet your brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, mother, father, sister.

Someone waiting in a car in my driveway is bad business and it draws negative attention.

You aren't the only one that has stopped by today.

There's always the risk of you getting pulled over after leaving here, make it the least obvious you can.

Park the car, come alone, sit for a while, talk to me, you're my friend remember.

If you do get stopped - swallow it, you don't know me.

Please, what I've provided you was a big risk on my end.

Don't take what I sold you and sell it to one of your friends.

I took the risk for you.

There's not that much out there.

Don't believe I like doing this.

Don't imagine it's Kool or fun.

Dont imagine I stay high, some dealers don't even touch it.

Don't assume I'm up all night sitting by the phone.

We have jobs too.

We throw birthday parties for our kids too.

Bar-be-cues.

Some of us also have to get up for work in the morning.

If you tell me about how you're fucking up by not going to work, or I hear shit about you on the street and all of a sudden I'm out, it's because I cut you off.

Read between the lines.

If you call me again and I'm still out don't call me anymore.

I'll be in touch with you.

There's no nice way to cut a junkie off.

Don't complain about my product.

I've tried it, or someone very close to me has.

I won't try to pass off some bunk, it's not my style.

Especially the way some of you are doing this shit.

If it is no good and it got past me somehow, you'll hear from me first.

And please, don't do it all and then try to say it was no good like eight hours later.

Or that it wasn't real.

Or the bag was short when I dropped it off to your old lady at 9am and you finally got it from her at lunch break.

If I got it like that I try to take care of my people.

Perhaps I hooked you up the last time and this time I couldn't.

Don't assume I shorted you, buy some scales they are twenty bucks.

Telling me it was short the next time you see me only makes it look like you are trying to get a fatter bag this time.

You didn't discover this idea.

You look like a fool - stop it.

If you can't afford to do it - don't do it.

If it's not right somehow, be straight up, hit me up - right away.

And I have to be able to trust you as you should be able to trust me too.

Don't break out scales in front of me, if I'm going to fuck you over it won't be for a couple of points.

Just do it when you go home or after I leave, besides the fact that it's very disrespectful.

Traveling with weights is plain stupid, you'll learn eventually.

Remember, it's business, no matter how many years we go back.

Stop bringing me trades.

No more digital cameras or locked phones I can't do shit with.

Don't show up with your old lady's shit; like her jewelry without her knowing.

The next time she sees those rings on my fingers she's gonna be mad at you.

And no, I don't need your brother's leather jacket.

Stop boosting shit and bringing the stolen goods to me, I have enough problems.

And I don't want to hear how so and so gives you bigger bags.

Or that his shit is better.

Then why aren't you there?

Why are you wasting your time here with me?

Get the fuck out of here.

slam poetry
2

About the Creator

Natalie Marie Stefani-Rice

So please grant me peace from the demons I see. They crowd me and stalk me and won't let me be.

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