Jagged edges

Back when I was a slave to a 9-to-5 career

I'd get annoyed with people in my life who weren't.

I hated having to remind people I worked every day

and was only ever free on weekends.

I was doing what I was supposed to do

and I was annoyed others weren’t.

There was tension

because I also knew that work was work

no matter what schedule

so why did I think my schedule was the right one?

The superior one.

short answer - white supremacy

-

I understand now

I wanted others to fall in line because I had.

I was jealous

envious

of what I was sure I could never ever have.

I was trapped in a 9-to-5 world and would be until I died or retired.

If I was lucky.

My body had other plans, quite fortunately.

Working disabled me

to the point of no longer being able to function.

And I had to choose to believe another life was possible for me.

Before I ended up in the ground.

-

This life doesn’t feel as safe as the old one.

There is much more unknown -

room for adventure and fear

living the life I thought I was supposed to felt safe

until it was suffocating.

Like a mother clinging so tight to her child

believing only her embrace could save her baby

only to finally let go

and find she was clinging to a corpse.

I see things much differently now

I look back at the coward I became

look at the coward I am

I rage

how did I allow myself to dull my own power?

I have always been the loud obnoxious, clumsy, annoying, sensitive creature

I am today.

I could never snuff it out.

Never -

nothing could really.

How could I be so blind to think I could soften my edges

until I was easy to swallow?

fuck that

I’m maintaining every sharp edge

I will not go down easy

you will know just how jagged I am

as I tear apart your throat