It's Just Not Fun

The pain is just not going to be ignored. It won't allow me to lift my arms, so my range of motion is not taken for granted, either. A long, good sleep is something I long for. But every surface where my arms and shoulders and hips land, causes me to wince. Now, as I type, my fingers and hands remind me that they hurt, too. Fibromyalgia, I hate you!

But there is no "outside" cause of you. You are broken. You thermostat of pain regulation in my innermost...you have gone rogue, if you will. These pills that I take try to fool you. Sometimes they do, but sometimes you are more fierce and foreboding. You are unforgiving. Like tonight.

Tonight my body feels like I have been in the ring with a prize fighter and did NOT win.

And then I look around at my house and see all the mess that waits for me to clean. That taunts me. I'm overwhelmed. I get depressed.

It's hard to make plans because I don't know if I will use all the energy I have on showering. And at times, that happens. Fatigue creeps in.

I sometimes pay the price for doing simple, mundane grocery shopping. Trying to shop, walk aisles, smiling at people in my community and shutting out loud noises can exhaust me, which leads to a flare-up.

I worry that my medicine, Gabapentin will be taken off the market. It is becoming widely used and I'm afraid that some hot-dog somewhere will say it is being abused. It is the only thing that seems to help me, but it's original use was for seizures. It's not even a narcotic.

I have gone days without taking any pill. I only take them if I need them. Flare ups don't happen often. Thank God. And I enjoy life and celebrate each precious moment.

I'm not alone. Here is an article to describe fibromyalgia and another one to share some celebrities that battle it, too.

Yes, I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. But it helps to vent.

If you have fibromyalgia and would like to vent, too....please do in the comments section. I understand :)