ISOLATION

Isolation

Childhood should be a time of joy

But if you were me you would not remember

any joy.

I have so many memories of being alone, playing alone.

Watching the others play.

Who would play with the poor girl?

Dressed in shabby clothes her hair a mess

I remember glimpses of the school yard

Children shouting, running, laughing

I stood on the side

Isolated

I longed to be with them

But I was never asked

Sometimes it is better to stay quiet

Out of their attention

Because if the bully did notice me

Then there were taunts

Bullying, hitting and hurtful words

"Ugly girl!"

"Stupid girl"

"Where did you get your clothes, at the Goodwill?

They all laughed.

I remember the smell of tan bark as I was pushed down

Dirt in my face when I fell.

Tears stinging my face

Looking up at them while they looked down at me

Faces twisted in hate.

Why can't they just leave me alone?

Why do you hate me?

I remember walking past the community pool

Looking through the gate on a hot summer day.

Wishing I could be them

Jumping, splashing, laughing

Popcorn and watermelon for snacks

Why didn't anyone invite me?

Was I that ugly?

They walked right past me holding their

Towels and sunscreen

I was invisible, I am invisible

I stayed and watched hoping maybe one day

someone would invite me in.

No one ever asked me “Are you okay?”

“Would you like to play?”

or ‘Hello, how are you?

“ Will you be our friend”

So I just stayed on the side

In isolation. Alone

My small hands at night folded in prayer

On my knees, “God, can you make me pretty”

“Can I have a friend? Just one?”

“God where are you?”

He never answered. He never heard me

I was isolated and am still.