Isolated Healing

As the Earth moves around the sun,

I realize that becoming wiser with age is a myth,

Wondering if my parents lacked emotional intelligence because they were young,

Seeking solutions for the failures they worked hard to accomplish,

I rise above them becoming their Judge and Executioner,

Crimes of repeating generational trauma and passing that shit on to me,

Consequences spilled into my adult life became bigger,

Toxicity adds to my character,

Instead of holding the weight of my pain they rather sleep comfortably,

Self-serving purposely to avoid accountability,

So good at holding their failures that I even bared their insecurities,

Childhood memories have been triggering me more frequently,

Fun and laughter are sporadic recollections,

Pain and isolation are continuous lessons,

Opinions from a child was not up for negotiation,

Connection and nurture transactions always make me question,

Why was my adolescent expression a burden?

Why did encouraging words become judgmental?

I became hyper independent and my own friend,

People pleasing tendencies as an adolescent parent was mental,

My values are questioned by people determined to misunderstand me,

They tell me to let go of the past,

Same people who benefited from my lack of boundaries,

Confrontational conversations give them amnesia fast,

A blind eye to painful situations contributes to a therapist bill,

Masking a lost childhood dazed and spaced out,

Inebriated consciousness takes the driver wheel,

Numbing what I feel until I blackout,

Promising to become a better person the next day,

Only to justify my need for escapism again,

Heartstrings are torn and compassion fades away,

Furious at all of the manipulation and illusion I grew up in,

Learning to reparent myself compassionately has been challenging,

Reassuring myself that their emotions are not my responsibility,

Replanting my roots somewhere safe with the aid of sertraline,

Nurturing my inner child has been the biggest blessing,

New paths have opened and served me purposely,

Imagining what type of ancestor I want to be is inspiring,

Safe spaces allow me to discover who I want to be,

Acknowledging that healing is courage, strength and never ending

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Thanks for reading! It means a lot. Continue to support by clicking the heart button, which allows my work to progress and grow. Tips are welcomed as well :) ~Love and Light, Ase’