Is Change Possible?

I am twenty.

I hate my life.

I am depressed.

I am suicidal.

I have two kids.

I love them.

I do not love myself.

I am married.

I love my husband.

I do not love myself.

Life should not be this hard.

Especially not at twenty.

I should be care-free.

I'm not.

I have stress. I have bills. I have kids. I have messes. I have a premature marriage. I have fights.

I want to meet an alternate “me.”

I want to see if she's happy.

Who am I going to be at thirty?

An even worse version of myself?

Will I still smoke cigarettes at midnight to calm my nerves?

Will I still dread waking up?

Or, will I change?

Will I be the soccer mom with pretty hair? Will I bring snacks? Will I be involved in the PTA?

Will I be happy?

That's who I want to be.

I want to love my days. I want to love myself.