Invisible

Today I feel angry. I feel my heart breaking all over again. I've been planning for months to spend August in Istanbul. But she doesn't want me there. She has every excuse to not have me visit. She's saving me from boredom because she says she has no time. I don't know if she just doesn't see me or if she's just selfish. But it hurts my heart.

_____________________________

You say I’ll be bored.

That you can’t give me enough,

that your life is too full, too messy,

too much for me to want.

--

But you don’t see me.

You don’t see how I ache

just to stand in your kitchen,

Just to sit on your balcony,

while your kids run through the house,

while the kettle whistles,

while the day is nothing but ordinary.

---

You don’t see

that I would fly halfway around the world

Just to hug you,

just to fold your laundry,

to hear your son say "Party, Party",

to fall asleep to the sound of your living

room TV playing Survivors Turkiye

in the next room.

--

You think I want something from you.

But all I want

is you.

Uncurated. Unfiltered.

Real.

--

You don’t see me—

not the way I see you:

beautiful in your chaos,

worthy in your fatigue,

enough,

always enough.

--

And it hurts me.

Because I am here,

6000 miles away

heart open,

hands empty,

waiting to be let in.

And you won’t even open the door.

______________________________

Thanks for reading! - Sam