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Intrusive Thoughts

losing my senses to the noise in my head

By Natalie JohnsonPublished 2 years ago 1 min read
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Intrusive Thoughts
Photo by Daria Nepriakhina 🇺🇦 on Unsplash

Drowning within the swirling confusion between thoughtless despair and humility,

the body that holds me wishes to crack like an egg on a breakfast skillet.

It hopes to be cooked to perfection, to make a home in an empty morning belly and then to be forgotten, eventually flushed into oblivion.

These thoughts are like scorching fire, raging in the depths of my neural networks like hot oil.

They hiss and pop and burn.

My physical body wishes it could quietly disappear.

Somehow, I know these thoughts are brainless, mere chemical reactions resulting from the existing falsities that I have learned to recognize as truths.

They act like shackles to the brain that believes itself to be all knowing.

Blinded by arrogance, my brain seldom acknowledges that it is constantly tricking itself into submission.

I continue to play an effortless game of self sabotage, falling victim to an unchallenging, mundane, looping life cycle.

Eager to escape, I turn to social media to drown out the noise and it only grows louder.

I am exactly where I need to be to stay addicted to this cycle, constantly comparing and hungry with a want that will never be satiated.

I am a panting whore, paused two seconds before euphoric release.

Living without release means anger is a tsunami,

fear is a blackhole,

want is a pulsing ulcer that never heals,

hate is stronger than love,

and self doubt is the forefront of every thought crashing through the chaos of brain activity.

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About the Creator

Natalie Johnson

A place to share my brain.

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