Into the Water

It used to be all darkness

With absolutely nothing , zero energy to harness

I tried a lot to get out of this sunken place

it was all just too much to take

I was hoping you would find me

Hoping that the sacrifice would reach my doorstep

Hoping that love would finally be revealed

My whole existence, a cry for help

It felt like I knew you , but didn't at the same time

Like I could talk to you but didn't know what number to dial

Like I was waiting for a miracle to happen overnight

Or some burning bush to talk out loud

I spent so much lament on what my life could be

Lament on where I should be

Without understanding how much you have given me

Even the very air I now breathe

So when I went to the river to cleanse my eyes

Stepping into the water so holy and cold as ice

My spirit trembled as I sunk myself deep

Every strand of my hair, though wet, stood still

It's been a few months since I made that conscious choice

I would be lying if I said things didn't get worse

A whole truck load of guilts with tears and remorse

But not with self hate. I think he finally left and shut the door

I know now I would always be at war, that I have accepted

But I have never felt such hope before

I hope to call more often that I ever did

Thank you for the friend you sent, who planted that seed.