Interplay
Sharp sorrow
She did not know it then. Wasn’t it just a part of life?
Grief?
At one pole misfortune and disappointment. Towards a sharp sorrow. A progression to the affliction of loss and mental suffering.
Grief events.
She had known many. Managed by her predictable expression. Depression. A ‘known known.’
Grief events.
They came in rapid fire succession.
No time to process.
No time to fall into her predictable expression.
Unaware of the ‘known unknown’ that was to manifest.
This rapid fire succession.
An antecedent.
The accelerant to an as yet unknown predisposition.
Premonition.
A determination to ward off the deceit of grief. A belief that she could unseat its power.
She called her best friend and found her beyond heartbroken. Speechless, nay for, “Cormac. Brainstem Glioma.”
As is the nature of paradox, there was for her a moment grounded, by the profound distress, the sharp sorrow and mental suffering of this beloved woman.
The first approach was rational.
Research revealed statements of fact: Incurable and terminal.
Unacceptable to her own deterioration, a switch was flipped.
A response required to the proverb:
When the Cup is brim full before, the last (though least) added drop is charged alone to be the cause of all the running over." (T. Fuller, 1655.)
Her mind’s solution was a revelation.
A destruction of the pole of sharp sorrow and mental suffering.
A rebirth into colour!
A quick shift grip of religiosity to fill the void.
A flight to light.
A full immersion baptism.
She did not know it then.
The accelerant of grief became a Divine expression of an unbalanced mind.
No physical prism was needed for separation.
Far beyond that, her optical window, released a white light beyond the visible spectrum.
Inherently, heartbroken, transformed into a new interpretation of love and fulfilling emotion, beyond a wish; to Truth.
No pseudo-cerebral mind game.
There was not ambiguity.
There would be no treachery.
She had found the solution to the unacceptable acceleration of Seneca’s comparison of life to a water-clock. She would not accept a dramatic final result, Seneca's emphasis on the continuity of the final hour of life with all the hours that have come before.
She had no expectation of her inevitable failure.
*
Her Community Mental Health Nurse often brings students to meet her.
She has the cruel insight of memory.
After this story, the student asked her.
“When you look back at this now? When you look back at these photos? What do you see? How does it make you feel?”
She explains that she was undiagnosed and unwell.
That grief events were a trigger.
She remembers her dearest friend’s keen mental suffering and distress over her affliction of sharp sorrow. The loss of her son.
Her response was an immediate spin from black to white.
A belief in a new found ability to split the spectrum of light.
She had become a living installation that glistened with the religiosity of the Saviour.
A manifestation for her of the inability to cope.
How does she see this now that she is diagnosed and stable?
Her answer simple.
“The interplay of light …”
*
[ Seneca the Younger (c. 4 BC to AD 65), fully Lucius Annaeus Seneca and also known simply as Seneca, Roman Stoic Philosopher. ]
*
Cormac Jones (RIP)
‘Cormac love clip.’ by Eddie Burgin
Pauline Fountain. © 2021. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be used or reproduced without the written permission of the author.
About the Creator
Pauline Fountain
Writing and photography provide a creative outlet to reflect with meaning on my life.
My mental health? Bipolar 1 (Rapid Cycling), Complex PTSD and Functional Neurological Disorder.
My son’s gentle wisdom furnishes me with the gift of hope.
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Comments (1)
This is so deep and a bit over my head. A reread should set me right. I love your interplay of words, adds depth and meaning to the words. I love the T. Fuller quote. It is that last drop that causes all the problems indeed.