Insanity or a Letter to the Future World by a Fellow Traveler

- An Introduction Before The Main Event -

April 16th, 2019

I shall begin, this new adventure, as basically all adventures start, a foot in front of the other; a letter to start, to that world.

A diary of sorts; my travels through this thing called life.

I shall write it down; sheets of paper thrown to the floor, as pen flies over the sheets; one by one, it shall fill up, the words, flowing from my mind, to be fodder to my so-call "recovery"

It seems plausible, even possible, that I am standing here, a man molded by his circumstances, formed into a person who seemingly, at times can be quite, literally, noticeably sane.

I walk through the people, their forms speed past me, not noticing me, I am one of them, a pretender in actual terms.

I say hello.

I might even wave, a gesture of the hand, barely noticeable to the human eye, but there, if you look.

I am trying to be normal, out in the public eye, it should be easy, but it isn't.

Not at all; how do the others do it, without thinking?

Without batting an eye?

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Repeat the pattern.

I'm out, that should be enough, an easy wandering, just a journey down the street and back to the safety of my home.

But there, in the back of my mind, is the anxiety, that great demon, depression, wandering there, stalking me in the back and in the front of my thoughts.

A Letter to My Therapist

Dear Doctor Morgan,

You asked me to write, what I was feeling, in this thing.

You called it a journal.

A diary.

I scoffed.

"How will this help?"

"It will," you replied, "Think of it as a long journey, something you can look back on, years later, and remember."

So here I am, I guess, taking that first step on that journey.

I begin.

The Poem from Volume Insanity - Level One: Over The Edge

I had to lose a dream,To the mountain,I had to lose my mind,To find my way,Not by choice,You see.

I had to lose my mind,Before I could see the find,That beauty in the sky,That shine of the sunshine,Could I see my face,Without my eyes?Could I sing, Without a voice?

To see,To feel,To hear the night,To feel the wind,A knot,Heaven's grace,To fallen face,To whimper,To die,To once maybe feel alive.

The rain fell,Washed away the tears,Before they hit the ground,Mother,Can you hear me screaming?Father,Can you feel my pains?

Had to touch my face,Razor blade,To my wrist,Want to hear my voice,Scream.

Can you see the way,The moon moves over the sea?

I was a man,A victim,Circumstances?

I drank from the bottle,Long slow draws,The burning, cold liquor,Clouded that mind,Intensified that depression,That opression,Feeling suicidal,Homicidal,I raged,Against nothing,Fell flat on my face.

Nobody realized,What I was doing,Up there on the roof,High on fumes,Ready to fly,No way down,But to take that leap.

A final bow, Before I leapt,It wouldn't be much,To exit that stage.

Wake up!Woke up!

Realized.

I would live,Another day.