In Silence

Can I tell you a secret?

I hate myself.

I hate how I smile,

Brushing off verbal lashings.

I hate how I am ready

To cry at the drop of a hat.

I hate looking

In the mirror,

Seeing a woman with

Far too many scars.

Many,

Dozens

Of pale, flat scars.

I hate all the days that

Fly on by.

I hate looking out my window

And wondering

If falling off a cliff will be a

Peaceful death.

But most of all...

I hate what is inside my head.

The voices all sneering and

Yelling incoherently.

But I can hear my own voice

Yelling too.

Hoarse,

Scratchy,

Drowning

In the emptiness of idle thought.

Make it stop.

Make it stop.

Make it stop.

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!!

MAKE IT STOP!!!

Make the screaming stop!

But I can’t help it.

All of this echoes,

Every day,

Tomorrow,

Yesterday,

Over morrow,

A fortnight,

A year.

The scream of hate continues

All

While I am stuck

In silence.