In my brain

In my brain

Is it all just my anxiety

Or is it built from reality?

Are those words for me, against me,

Or is it not always all about me?

In this new formed head space.

I strove to gain my voice

And find an inner confidence

That would bring me to myself.

But in the edges of my brain.

The darkness still lingers towards me

The masks of depression and anxiety.

Asking me to remember how easy it was.

When I hid behind the walls of my own self hate.

Made myself feel bad and ugly

To protect some piece of me

That found it easier to be small not big.

But like any dream,

I woke up and decided I wanted to be me.

So I tried and found new ways to be.

Invested in myself

And became a phoenix and not a shade.

But oh how fast the switch can turn.

When the world becomes a game

Of trying to please everyone else

And questioning my own self.

But be it just the voice in my head,

That begs me to let them all hate me

And become small and manageable again.

Or be it based in some reality….

This fight with in my head must be fought.

Because I don’t want to close the doors

That opened when I chose me.

Not open old windows back to anxiety.

But every day it has to be a choice.

It has to be a belief, a power and strength.

Because the doubt didn’t go away.

I just had to learn to play with

The demons in my head,

Before they can make their bed