If Only

If only I could say the words that are trapped in my throat

If only I could let my tongue run and run

It would sting most people, but who cares

Because I have spent so long keeping secrets

Secrets, secrets, secrets…

Inside my body, inside my soul and inside my mind

Running around like headless geese

Making me scream, but I cannot scream

Because the secrets are jammed up in my throat,

Blocking the air that makes the sound,

That makes my voice speak.

If only I could jump high and fly on a kite instead of flying it

Then maybe I would be free, but oh this entrapment!

The secrets have me! Oh damn my mother, for teaching me kindness and acceptance

Because if I hadn’t known this then maybe I would be free

Maybe people wouldn’t feel so happy to tell me! All their wild

‘strange’, ‘dirty’ , ‘scary’, ‘horrible’ secrets.