If In My Absence...

If in my absence, I cease to exist to you,

Don’t be afraid to keep walking away

If in my absence, you ask and pry,

Answers will surely come in time

Usually people seek out light,

But I’d rather not see the friendly fiends

Trust is something we all desire,

But history repeats, you’d think we’d learn…

Trust is still out of reach

Isolation is a treatment,

The trauma I burden would destroy even the strongest heart

So if in my absence, you cannot hear my deafening cries

You were never really a friend of mine.

Only those who know me well,

Know the silent pain in my watery eyes

For words cannot describe

Nor would you feel its depths in a primal cry

So, I require time…

To heal the hurt that haunts my mind

If you’re trying to understand me,

Be brave enough to swim in the waters that tried to drown me

Though I warn you,

Tread carefully,

Just because I survived, doesn’t mean you might

So if you make it inside my castle walls,

You not only see me weak, you hold my kryptonite

If in my absence you criticize my actions,

You do not understand

And you will be left bewildered

When you see the results of plans never shared

Silence is not an emptiness,

It is filled with the whispers of wisdom and discernment

For in these moments of hide and seek,

I crawl in the darkest corners you'd never think,

But should you search meticulously and you find me,

Brace yourself for the chaos you might find.

If in anger, I decide to hide,

Proceed with caution

My isolation is for your protection.

For I must tame the monster in my mind

So if in my absence,

You ask and pry

Prepare yourself for the brokenness you’re about to find

I know how to be both a hero and a villain,

But you decide which to perceive of me.

So again, if you seek me in my absence,

Proceed cautiously.