If I Turn Round

From the cradle to the grave

You're followed

By the accumulation

Like dust and debris

Collected over years

-

Whether sitting or standing

Whether at rest or walking

It clings to you like old sweat

But can't easily be washed out

It's beyond surface level

Hugs your back like a lover

Willing you to concede

And be consumed

Its stain is invisible

But feels so tangible

-

Whether weighed down

In need of relief

Another stalks you

And stays close to you

Shadowing you

Reminding you

Whispering its promises

-

It hunts and follows you

Night and day

But is not really

The black dog

-

It is your shadow

Just your shadow

Former self

-

Can't hurt you

Can it

Could it

-

As you walk

It walks

-

As you talk

It whispers

Between your consonance and assonance

-

As you sit

It sits

-

Eat

It eats your control

Eats your will

-

As you sleep

It watches

Buries deep inside you

-

As you fuck

It fucks

-

Inhabits and inhibits

Exhibits and extorts

-

As you bathe or shower

It never drains away

Caresses you like a lover

-

Breathe this sickness

Stop

For a moment

-

Do you feel ashamed

Do you feel constrained

Do you feel it's ingrained

-

You feel it pressing down

Down down down

Weakening you,

But the anxiety, the worry

Makes you shrivel

Cave inward

-

Deal with it yourself

-

It can't hurt you

If you don't turn around

And face it

-

Its various facades

Faces as masks

-

It's not a disease

You're just not smiling

It's not an illness

You just like the rush

It's not real shame

If you do it again

-

Titties titties titties

Ass and more

-

A man's telling me I can't

Always get what I want

But if I try

I might get what I need

-

And I understand

-

Do I whip the problem

And leave suicide

For another year

-

If I turn round

Will I face the stranger

And see only my reflection

-

Reflection, a curious word

A look back, a consideration

Commiseration

Consternation

-

Between the fabrics of my flesh

-

If I stop and turn around

Will I have my satisfaction

Or die like an Icarus moth flying

Too close to the gaslight

-

If I turn round

Will I face the stranger

And see only my reflection